Swan Blessing Past Life Story - Vow to Not Use Her Medicine

Very often the vow that comes up to be released in Swan Blessing past life sessions is the vow to close down or reject our personal ancestral medicine. This can be very confusing in our present incarnation as we will still be drawn, and deeply passionate about our medicine but will find it very hard to embrace and share with others - especially if we try and embrace it as our vocation again. It creates pain, confusion and fear of something that should be treasured and celebrated - our natural gifts and power.

Many moons ago I used to teach tarot circles to help others to trust their intuition and to develop their own individual way of reading and sensing messages from the cards. I was always blown away by the beautiful readers who came to develop their gifts with us and I remember these years of sitting in tarot circles very fondly. Recently I was contacted by Candice, a student I remembered well, requesting a Swan Blessing past life session. I remembered Candice so well because she was one of the most naturally gifted readers Tony and I had ever spent time with - a very gifted seer. But there was an internal battle going on within Candice and I could see this too - she was afraid of her gifts.

Candice told me that she had recently begun to offer her service of tarot reading to the public. I was thrilled for her because this has been such a long time coming and she is so good! But she then told me how much anxiety she felt when having to give difficult news to her clients. I explained to her that a reader is merely an interpreter for the cards and that often in our life the difficult times are our biggest teachers and assist huge shifts towards growth. That I am always grateful when my cards inform me that it's time to release an old dream that doesn't serve or that I am about to go through a period of understanding my fears. The reader's role is not to give a sugar-coated sweet reading every time as that would be false and is not a true reflection of life and the sacred circle of birth, death and rebirth that we go through each day just like every cell of our body.

While Candice understood this on a mental level she said she could still feel something very deep and fearful about one day having to be the 'bearer of bad news'.

This is Candice's Swan Blessing story of the past life events that created these old beliefs and fears:

"I decided to have a Swan Blessing to discovering the blocks I have in becoming a tarot reader. For such a long time I had wanted to start my tarot business but could not find the courage to. I had so many fears going into it. I have tried to give tarot up so many times before with many times throwing out my decks, my notes and any books I had on the tarot. But for some reason I keep feeling drawn to it. It’s like a bad habit that I keep being pulled into despite my efforts to stop.

This journey into my Swan blessing was truly a blessing. As I closed my eyes and relaxed I felt the presence of my family, ancestors and spirit guides with me in the room as I went completely within myself. I could feel myself travel back in time.

I was directed to a lake and in this lake I saw a Native American with long black hair, at first I couldn't tell if it was a male or female then I realised it was a young male. He was 24 years old. He was me and I was him. I asked him what is it that is blocking me in reaching my full potential. With a hardness in his eyes he could not tell me like he had shut it off from his heart, instead he took me on a little canoe across the water. He was pointing to the other side of the mountain. He left me on the other side of the river and I walked to the other side of the mountain by myself as he did not want to come.

As I went there and walked on the land it was so hard for me to see what was there. There was so much smoke lingering around. It was all grey and white before me and the tents that remained were just ashy. As I realised who's village this was my eyes filled with tears as I realised that this was my own village. My village was attacked and destroyed.

I was then shown what I did in this life time. I was the seer of the tribe. Elders who held leadership within the tribe came to me for guidance for the tribe. I could not believe that those who were so much older than I held me in such high regard. I used a crystal of some sort to foresee future events. I was guided to see what I saw in that lifetime. I foresaw the tragic event of the destruction of my village long before it happened and I did not tell anyone as I wanted to be wrong and I wanted the best for my people.

When I saw that I actually foresaw the event happening my eyes welled up again and I had such a heaviness in my chest. I felt heartbroken. I felt helpless with so much guilt for what happened. Something that I could have prevented but I didn’t.

As a punishment for myself in that life time I isolated myself from everyone and everything. I lived alone in a cave until I was a very old man and died alone in my cave and I never spoke to anyone again. I never practised any more magic or seer again in that life time as it was too hard for me. I punished myself for what had happened.

My blessing allowed me to be with the man that I was, I told him that this was not his fault and he only wanted the best. I also told him that I will make this right in this life time. I got it. I understood all his fear, pain and sadness because I feel it in my current life time. All the times I read for others all the readings I have sent out the process of when I do readings all of the pain and anxiety was so familiar because it was all mine. The pain I have held onto that long has allowed me to suppress my gifts because I was still too scared to hurt another person.

For such a long time I had all these anxieties when doing readings and everything finally made sense. I had a fear for reading people older than me, I also had a fear when turning over the cards I saw just in case I saw something that was not favourable. I would actually stress for who I am reading for.

Now I have learnt with Julia and this Swan blessing that the not great things I see in a reading can actually be of benefit. Now when I read I have such an inner confidence within me. I feel confident that I am doing exactly what I should be doing and I don't fear the reading like I used to. This doesn’t mean I still don't have normal anxiety but I have an inner knowing that I came here to earth with this ability and to share it. I love my tarot readings and love helping people and now know that I have the ability to do so. And now I will with the confidence that I was actually born to do this!

Thank you Julia for allowing me to go on this journey back to myself. You have given me a gift that I will forever be grateful for. You have given me the confidence to truly believe in my inner strengths and abilities from lifetimes before. A confidence of knowing my true abilities and purpose and why I am here. Forever grateful to you and your gifts. Thank you."

Candice 2016, The Blessed Path Within

I am thrilled to hear Candice speak and write these words. Her gifts are beautiful and she brings such insight and clarity to her readings and now she can share them with a strong and open heart.

It is a terrible feeling to be withholding our natural gifts - to be afraid of our personal medicine. I'm very happy to see that there is a new respect and opening at this present time for the holding of circle together, ceremony and the intuitive arts. We are learning to break through our fears and release old beliefs that do not fit or belong to us in this time and often our biggest fear is our own power. I thank the great grandmothers who come to assist us in Swan Blessing, they remind us all that not too long ago our ancestors used and shared their medicine with love.

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Image: Medicine drum from 'Shapeshifting : Transformations in Native American Art' - Peabody Essex Museum

The Witch's Daughter - Past Life Vow to Remain Alone

Witches' Wood by Bertrand H. Wentworth

Swan Blessing is the past life and ancestral healing work that I began 7 years ago to help clear and heal the memories and ancestral trauma of the 'burning times' upon our ancestors and ourselves. The memory or soul loss created by witnessing events where women have been persecuted for simply being healers and connected to the earth and her plants or even carrying these memories from our ancestors in our DNA can create many kinds of problems in our present lives. The most common feeling is anxiety, but it can also manifest as a kind of sensation of being stuck and unable to move because in a way we remember what happened to the women who stood out, were different. The biggest crime of all is that it has conditioned us to believe it is safer to stay on the edge of the 'mystery', to never step back through the veil. 

Today I share Alex' Swan Blessing story of the witch's daughter and her vow to remain alone. When I read this story in full it had a profound effect on me because she was speaking from the heart about issues that were so personal and painful for her. I loved her retelling and the honesty, the raw guts and all approach to her life! Thank you Alex for reminding me that this journey with the collective is also personal and individual - we cannot compare it to anyone else's experience and the worst thing we can do is try to 'fit in'. Alex is also speaking honestly about the healing process and how it is often like peeling layers away - good and deep healing takes time. Most importantly I am so happy to see that now Alex is alone when she chooses to be alone and that she is MAGNIFICENT! 

With her story also came gifts of healing water gathered at the Fairy Pools on the Isle of Skye in Scotland where she was the only one crazy enough that day to swim in those freezing waters and from the Chalice Well in Glastonbury. When Alex arrived for her session I didn't know that she was about to embark on this journey, but as soon as she chose tarot cards from the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert (an amazing deck that I find perfect for past life work) her destination was right there in front of her in vivid colour. The cards asked Alex 'are you going to always sit on the edge of the mystery daughter? How long can you keep yourself apart, a step away from joy?' Here is her answer.

Swan Blessing reading with the Gaian Tarot before Alex journeyed with the Swan

"This has taken me a while to write. Soon after my Swan Blessing with Julia, I wrote some notes to remember my encounter. But to write it out fully, is to release it. And I haven’t been ready to do that. Until now. I very much enjoy wallowing in my pain and misery, observing it, letting it twist my insides until my anxiety levels peak. It’s quite sadistic, I know. But I learn from it, as long as I acknowledge it. Which takes a while. After I wallow, I ignore all the self-inflicted pain and become destructive until I am ready to face the truth. I am a big advocate of 'ignorance is bliss'. Yet the problem is, this no longer works for me. I know too much, have felt too much to be ignorant to my desires, passions and ultimately the light and dark of my being. Which was why I went to see Julia.

I arrived at Julia's home on the second day of spring, full of promise, hope, doubt and a little worried. Throughout the year, I have been doing a lot of soul searching, trying to understand my nature, patterns I repeat and my shadow aspect which I have a tendency to either deny or let consume me. I was going to Julia to seek answers. When she explained to me that sometimes vows or promises made in past lifetimes have the ability to affect us in this lifetime, my immediate reaction was "shit... I reckon I did some pretty crazy shit in my previous lives". But Julia's calming voice let me break away from my fears and feel the love and energy of my spirit guides and ancestors.

After I selected cards from a tarot deck, Julia was able to explain to me the vow I had made was having a major impact on my relationships in this lifetime. This was very accurate, as I do struggle to connect to others on a higher level as well as letting certain patterns destroy my relationships. However, the next card was the one that really hit me. It was a young girl sitting on the edge of the Chalice Well, a famous spiritual site in Glastonbury, England. Like the girl, spiritually, I had always found myself on the edge. Never delving in, never committing, yet interested and informed. Not being able to let go and experience spirituality had there caused me much sadness throughout my life, contributing to feeling like an outsider. What made this card particularly interesting, was that in approximately a month, I was travelling to the UK, so making the journey to the Chalice Well was at the top of my must see list. The final card was the Sun which showed a girl surrounded by sunflowers, dancing, with a beautiful, happy and knowing smile. I saw myself in that girl and instantly I wanted that version of me. I didn’t want to wallow and pity myself anymore. Nor self-destruct,hurt myself and others or waste my life away in ignorance. I wanted to release the vow I made, one so strong, it hid, forcing me to go deep within. One that I have carried through lifetimes, letting it affect me and even feeding it at times. But not anymore. This time I am going to let it go.

The first thing I see are green eyes. Green eyes peering at me in a pool of clear water. I try to reach to the creature with the engaging green eyes. But they disappear. I call to them again and this time they appear with a nose. But they still will not leave the pool, the safety. They are willing to let me in, but they will not come out. I must go deeper for this journey. As I break through the veil of the pool onto the other side, I find myself in a partially dried river bed, in a beautiful valley surrounded by trees, standing next to a girl of about 8 years old. She has straw coloured hair and is dressed in a filthy white woollen shift. As she turns to look up at me, somewhat defiant yet also grateful, I see that the eyes match the green eyes I saw in the pool. She still will not let me approach her, but she allows me to follow her so she can show me. I follow her along the river bank, watching her as she stops sporadically to pick something up, throwing stones into the river here and there and occasionally checking that I do not get too close to her. I ask her where her family are.

She speaks to me without opening her mouth, in what I can only describe as telepathically. She tells me that she is alone. She is upset but she looks into my third eye and shows me what happened to her family. I am not myself, I am her. I feel all her fear and horror as people surround her house, yelling and shouting, calling out to her mother. I can see my (her) mother standing in the corner shielding my brother, a toddler who is crying. The people around the house are yelling a number of things, directed at my mother such as“Heretic”, “Witch”, “Whore” and“Slut”. The mob burnt the house to the ground. Yet I was not in it. I am not sure how or why, but I was somehow watching the house burn from above.

I feel all her loss, pain and anger at losing her family. As the girl pulled me back to myself, she explained that she had been living in the valley on her own, taking care of herself. I ask her to show me happier times with her family and what it was like before they took them away. Again, I am forced into her consciousness. I see my mother, who radiated love and cared for me so much. The love I felt towards my mother, emanating from my small form was some of the purest, most joyful love I have ever felt. My mother was a medicine woman or hedge witch, who showed me how to make healing poultices, use healing plants and hunt and trap animals for food. I had no father. I played with my little brother and took him to the garden when people would come to see my mother. The same people who would kill her. Young women would come for love or fertility, and men for healing and virulence. To the child and to me she was the absolute embodiment of the divine feminine. The perfect balance of feminine and masculine. She was womanly and gentle with unbleached skin and light auburn hair with big blue eyes like sapphires.While these people used her for her services, they were always wary and scared of her. I could feel my child’s mind unable to understand, because the way I saw her as beautiful, loving and caring. She was pure. The people who used her were troubled and scared of everything including themselves.

illustration John D Batten

I was thrown forward in time and I was still the girl but a little older, around 14 years old. I slept in a large tree at night to keep warm. I was able to hunt for myself and find any herbs, vegetables or plants that I needed. I was ultimately a recluse, withdrawing form human contact as much as I possibly could. She wanted me to see that we could take care of ourselves. That we didn’t need to rely on others. As I acknowledged this fact, I was thrown forward again to a time where I was approximately 20 years old. I was walking through the middle of a small town or village. The people that I walked past, mostly in a market place, stopped what they were doing to gawk at me. Some were whispering, few knew who I was. Others could feel or sense the power that was emanating from me, swirling around me, threatening to consume them if they dare approach. My destination was a hall which sat on a hill just above the village. The only way I can describe my thoughts while I was walking through the village was “NO FUCKS GIVEN.” I did not care what these people thought of me, what they said to me or about me. I was fucking magnificent, powerful and most of all, I knew it. I was there for a purpose.

As I approached the hall and opened the doors to enter, my eyes locked with a man in a large chair, someone who was clearly in charge. He knew who I was and I knew who he was. He was my father. And he had had my mother and brother killed. Whatever his reasons or intentions, I did not care. I stared at him until his gaze fell, possibly in recognition of who I was or in acceptance of what was about to happen. And then I cursed him. I cannot remember the exact words (probably a good thing) but they were similar to “I curse you and all your seed. Your line will begin and end with me. All you love, have ever loved and all you touch will turn to dust and fade. You will be nothing. You are nothing." The pure anger, hatred and vengeance was like nothing I had ever felt. At times I can be a vindictive person who will hurt others because they have hurt me, but this was next level. In this lifetime I was willing to sacrifice myself to hurt another person. To take away everything that mattered to him, because he had taken away the only thing that I cared about. My vow and the sacrifice I made for the curse was to be alone forever. I had lost the only thing that mattered and rather than try to find solace and acceptance, other people to care for, I chose hateful vengeance and a solitary life. I was shown a brief glimpse of the rest of my life, which was not overly long. I had a number of lovers and seduced anyone I could, with no acknowledgement of the pain I caused to people that had never hurt me. I bore children and in a way discarded them, found no joy in them, regarded them as a hindrance. And so I was always alone. I didn’t care for anyone.

Many years later, I went back to the village of my father. They eventually bound me in chains and placed me in a jail of some sort. In some way, I knew that my father was dying or very ill. I was at the end of my journey, the hate and rage had become exhausting and it was nearly over. I knew that to capture and kill me, despite the curse would give my father a measure of peace in his after life. So in my last act of defiance I pulled a vial of poison out from between my breasts, took the dram in one long swig and died with a smile on my lips because I had won. I had sacrificed my own peace to take away someone else’s.

Once again, I was standing in the valley beside the river bed, with the young woman who had placed the curse in front of me. As I looked at her, my eyes filled with tears and my whole body became tense, making me feel like I had been winded. I begged her to embrace me, to release the anger, hatred and the vow that held us both. She refused me. Who was I to tell her what to do? How could I make her release when no one else could? What happened next, was like some telepathic exchange where I explained that I knew how she felt, I had just seen it, I was also bound by her hatred. I pleaded with her once more and hesitantly she embraced me and then collapsed in to my arms. All the sadness, sorrow, hatred and pain left her, filtered into me and she became light as a feather. Before she was beautiful because she was fearsome. Now she beautiful because she was happy. She could be finally be with her mother and brother. They were standing there waiting for her, like they always had been. As she hugged me goodbye, thanked me and went to her family, all her emotions consumed me and bound me in vines from my feet to my neck. As they constricted and suffocated, this was the time I knew I could not wallow in my self-hatred and pity. I searched for anything to break me free from these constricting vines and found a dagger made of bone. As I began to hack away at the vines piece by piece, I could feel the tension in my body begin to ease, the anxiety slip away. I felt the hatred, vengeance and pain fall away with every vine. I cut through the curse and the vow and felt my body release generations of pain. I was free.

A month after I had my Swan Blessing, I journeyed to the UK. I went with a heart and head full of the excitement, knowledge and hope I had gained. And you know what? I was disappointed. I arrived in London expecting to be this amazing, free person, yet I still wasn’t. To be honest, after seeing Julia I did a little bit of work on myself but other than immediately after the blessing I didn’t feel significantly different. I thought it would all make sense when I left, when I escaped from everything I knew. I expected an instant fix. I saw friends in London and Liverpool and travelled to Glasgow on my own, waiting every moment for this 'epiphany' to happen. To let go of all my bullshit, to release my vow, to be as free as that girl in the sun, the one who had cut all the vines. Instead I was homesick. I was in a country I had wanted to travel to virtually my entire life and I was fucking homesick!? What the hell was wrong with me? Where was this magical realisation and cure all for me being a fucked up mess? Feeling quite dejected I continued on. I hired a car and drove through the Scottish Highlands, to the Isle of Skye, Inverness and back down to Edinburgh. I marvelled at the enormity of the highlands, the vast meandering emptiness that also felt so full of life with a sparkle in my eyes and a grin on my face. I forced myself out of my shell, talking to the travellers, asking their advice and picked up a hitchhiker who I travelled to Skye and Inverness with. I climbed mountains, stood on cliffs and swam in the Fairy Pools. I went searching for the Northern Lights of Inverness, driving along winding roads that felt so tiny and foreign. I stood on the banks of Loch Ness, with a song in my heart and picked a thistle for my one true love.

During this time, I forgot that I was waiting for this 'epiphany'. I forgot that I needed a cure for being a mess, for being sensitive and cruel at the same time. It wasn’t until I was back in London and had a little down time that I remembered how important the Chalice Well had been to me. So I hired a car and drove out to Glastonbury, stopping at Stonehenge on the way. After arriving in Glastonbury late, I left early the next morning to drive towards Tintagel Castle and Cornwall. Due to lack of planning, I missed the opportunity to explore Merlins Cave. Pissed off, I hiked up a ridiculous amount of stairs against the tearing wind to look at some bloody rocks that form what was once a castle. I kept going, marvelling at the wildness of the country, avoiding massive slugs and goats that are apt to chase people. When I had reached a peak, I sat down partially from exhaustion, part memory and part sadness. I stood up and looking down at the ferocious sea, I screamed into the wind, yelling at the goddess, at god, at myself, daring the wind to become powerful enough to knock me into the sea and let it consume me. With a raw throat, salt stained face and teary eyes, I walked back to the car.

I had one more stop before I could finally go to the Chalice Well, and that was St. Nectan's Glen which I thought looked like a cool waterfall. Once I arrived, I started to walk along the path hurriedly as I just wanted to get a photo and get back in the car so I could make it to see the Chalice Well before it closed. Yet I kept walking. And walking. And bloody walking! Rather than taking in the beauty around me, I was hurrying. When I finally reached the entrance I walked down to the waterfall and I was on my own in this haunting glen. It felt like there was no one around for miles. Like I was the only soul left alive. I admired the ribbons hanging from trees, small piles of flat stones and the rushing water from the beautiful keyhole waterfall. I sat for a moment and contemplated whatever people contemplate in places such as this and then I stood up, took my clothes off and waded into the water and stuck my head under the freezing waterfall. Because why not?

I finally made it to the Chalice Well gardens that afternoon (after taking forever to find a park in tiny English streets, being yelled at for smoking too close to the gardens and scolded for coming towards closing time). I walked the gardens, took photos and drank the water which apparently has healing properties. By the time I came to the actual Well, I sat and cried. Not from sadness or happinessbut from acknowledgement. Sitting by it, I can’t honestly say if it was 'welling' with the spirits and powers of ancient magicks. I was too consumed in myself and my 'epiphany' moment. The Chalice Well was a reminder of how far I had come since sitting in the room in the forest with Julia and discovering my vow, my strength and my darkness.

Despite making the vow to be alone and being afraid of it all my life, I learned it is okay to be a recluse at times in order to recharge and to do things on your like driving through Scotland. That like the little girl from my Swan Blessing, I can take care of myself, without reliance on others, what they think of me and their opinions on how I conduct my life. I realised that I am FUCKING MAGNIFICENT, even if I don't feel that way all the time and that while being born a woman, a cause of pain and frustration in many ways, is such a blessing that I need to own it and be proud of being this fucking divine. I don't need to constantly test people nor do I have to win all the time, as it is okay to let go sometimes. I acknowledge that I don't need to rush all the time, sometimes the universe is just screaming for you to take your time. Most importantly I realised that I am deserving of love and so much more.

While these might not sound like things worthy of a major realisation, these are issues that I have faced throughout my life. While I visualised cutting away the vines that day in the forest, they were never completely gone. Cutting the vines did not release my vow, but gave me the power to release it. However it doesn't come quickly. You release parts and pieces, acknowledging and bidding farewell. They will try to come back repeatedly (a bit like John Farnham) but you know better now. They're transparent and you are no longer ignorant. You won't let the vines creep up on you again. Whilst I understand not everyone can go on a journey like I did so soon after having their blessing, you don't need to. You have been awoken. You have seen your lightness and possibly your darkness. It won't come as easy as you think or will it come quickly and you will spend a long time keeping those vines at bay. But it's worth it. Because you're no longer happy to sit by in ignorance and bliss. Take the pain and harsh realisations because it is all worth it in the end.

I would like to thank Julia for not only the Swan Blessing but also the help and advice she has given me in the past. I have learnt that I don't need to hold on to things to make them true. I need to release them so that I am able to live."

Alex Walker, 2016

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Photos by Alex Walker

Turning Off, Tuning In - listening to the still, quiet voice within

I don't know about you but I'm changing - a lot. There are so many behaviours and beliefs I held in the past that I just can't relate to any more. And the great part of being where I am now - making dolls in the forest every day - is that I'm not worrying about it. Now THAT'S the strange part. In the past when I've gone through times like this I've almost worked myself into a panic trying to find or name the next 'stage' or 'path'. But for the first time in my life, I am accepting this strange period of change and a kind of nothingness. Why? Because the Lyrebird told me this time would be coming - if I let myself get there.

Three weeks ago I found myself in an environment with lots and lots of people. It was a confused environment and I was aware that there was a huge part of myself just not enjoying it but there was an old side of me that thought I should push myself out there amongst it, to step out of the hermit cave and find out what's going on in different circles, how things are being done differently by others. But I just found the whole experience hard work! I kept missing Tony, Fox, the forest and craved to be making a new doll.

On the second night I had a dream of standing looking at a huge messy freeway system that was looped and tied around itself like 10 different snakes. Cars and people were speeding along madly. It was very frenetic. And then I saw the lyrebird standing in the middle of what could only be described as a traffic island. He was standing in a small circle of grass in the middle of it all. The lyrebird pulled out one of his two beautiful tiger-striped lyre feathers and placed it in the circle and told me he was leaving it there for me but I had to come and get it soon because it would not be there for long and it definitely wouldn't be there forever.

The next morning I packed up early and came home. As I walked down the pathway to our house I looked out at the forest and it was as if the leaves and trees were glittering, shimmering... I felt the forest was happy to see me! And I was definitely happy to see the forest. I sat with the whole experience and especially the dream and I began to understand that I had changed and that there was nothing wrong with that or me - I just had to start making some new choices. I have slowed down so much, honing everything down to the singular practice of dollmaking and now it is very hard for me to feel grounded in very chaotic environments. I interpreted the fast moving freeways as other 'movements' perhaps movements that I had felt the need to be a part of before or just trying to 'keep up' with the outside world and the way others are choosing to be. The Lyrebird was giving me permission to just step out of it all and come and receive the gift of sanctuary.

Turning, Tuning Tarot Spread

It's interesting to have a look at what we need vs what we crave - it's a good place to start if it feels like there are too many 'voices' in you head haha! Let's turn off all of the voices and opinions coming at us from every direction from the outside world and listen to the quiet voice within.

This is a simple Tarot spread that I created in the dark moon this week to help me listen to all aspects of myself: body, heart, mind and spirit. Take a moment and breathe deeply as you shuffle your cards and simply pull one card for Need and one card for Crave and sit them beside each other. Are they similar in their focus or at odds with each other? If you need to, you might want to pull a third card to act as a 'bridge' in the middle to show you a way of creating a balance between the two or a step to take to towards honouring your needs more than your craving.

Now that you know what you Need. Place this card as the central card of your reading. Put the Craving card back into the deck (pay special attention if this card turns up again in any other position).

1. Central card: What you Need

2. Bottom left card : Voice of the Body

3. Top left card: Voice of the Heart

4. Bottom right card: Voice of the Mind

5. Top right card: Voice of the Spirit (Still quiet voice within)

Dollmaker Julia INglis

Hawai'ian Ancestor Doll - why we cannot wait to be perfect

Recently I was asked by a friend who is also a maker and artist if it is a good thing to create something for someone else when we ourselves are feeling down or unwell. I understand this question, I used to worry about the same thing and very strictly only created when in my utmost health. But one day I created a doll for a woman in great need of assistance, she was suffering panic attacks and I wanted to make her a doll right then when she needed it most. On that weekend I was in a state of grieving for someone in my own life but as I sat with the soft wool in my hands with all that colour around me - my favourite part of dollmaking is playing with colour - I realised that I began to feel a lot brighter and happier. What I discovered at the end of the creation process was that not only had I made a very beautiful and joyful doll, I was feeling so much better. I have found this to be one of the significant benefits of creating a healing doll for someone else - we receive that healing too. We heal ourselves through the practice of creating and I feel especially that in the act of sending good wishes and intentions to another, we receive the same blessing. A blessing doubled.

Last week, particularly around the Full Moon in Cancer, a Wolf Moon and first full moon of the year, the intensity of energy was enormous. Two astrological posts that I found very helpful to understand the energy at the moment were by Hare in the Moon Astrology and Mystic Mamma. Recently I have been dealing with an old back injury that I used to get when I was much younger. I have come to understand it is emotional and caused from 'holding on' and 'holding back'.  Just before the full moon I felt whatever was lurking down there in the depths for too long suddenly and terrifyingly rise to the surface - it was as if a sleeping volcano had suddenly awoken. At the same time, I was weaving a doll for a beautiful Hawai'ian sister, Wai'ala. I asked myself: can I make this doll when I am feeling so much of my own fear? Hesitantly I began preparing the medicine bundle to go inside her doll. As I did, I kept hearing the word 'orchid' and getting the message to include this flower for her. I knew I had 2 orchids grown with love by Tony's mother but for the life of me I couldn't find them. Finally I gave up and began to close up the bundle. But I kept hearing a woman's voice very firmly telling me to keep looking! She was not one to be argued with and so I looked again and finally found the orchids - in the last package of course! I placed them inside the bundle and I could feel right away the doll was happy.

When I shared the message with the Wai'ala about being told to find the orchid, she wrote:

'It's local folklore that our Hawai'ian goddess Pele loves and treasures orchids and it's been said she moves her lava flow around certain ones to save them and consumes everything else around them; preserving them alive in a surrounding sea of lava. I have great joy that the medicine doll requested one'.

On the night before the full moon I dreamt of an elderly man coming forward with a carefully wrapped box. Inside the box he said was an ancient crustacean. I felt very honoured but also scared to be it's keeper as if it was too precious and I was not worthy. I was also unsure how to keep it. I was then shown through a series of lessons on how to care for myself more and how to honour and protect the precious animal and mineral medicine gifts that I receive. I was also shown how to release what I had been holding on to. When I awoke from the dream it was as if I was still living in it, it was full moon and I was aware that I had work to do and instructions to follow from the dream.

I woke up and began to finish the medicine doll and as I wove the colours into her dress I saw that she would be holding a crystal skull to represent her ancestors and adorned with fossils of ancient oceans. As I placed the fossils into her dress I realised that the elder in my dream was one of Wai'ala's ancestors. In the weaving of the doll for his granddaughter I had created a space where he could enter my dream and assist me. On completion, the doll told me her name was FireOrchid Flowing Water Woman. At first I thought that her name was too long, I tried to shorten it to just FireOrchid but the doll was adamant again, she was also FlowingWater. I placed her in a large medicine circle with all of the medicine dolls, my personal dolls too and also all of the animal, plant and mineral medicines that go into the creation of each doll. I held a ceremony at the full moon singing gratitude to every creature, every being, my ancestors, Pachamama, my animals guides and all that help me to create the medicine dolls.

The next morning I awoke to read a new message from Wai'ala:

'I am so greatly honored, and full of bliss that while bringing her into creation my ancestors visited you and helped heal you and grow your natural talents. Their gift of the crustacean is so beautiful and inspiring. I've been seeking a stronger or more open connection with them, and felt a medicine doll would facilitate that amongst many other things, but I think that facilitation alone maybe most healing. It sounds like that connection was forged in many many ways. I have so many blisssful comments on all the details and beautiful work....but I'll only ask; Did I ever tell you what my name Wai'ala means?? It's my grandmothers Hawai'ian name and it translates to English as, fragrant flowing water; flower water, or commonly known as Flowing Water.'

I was blown away by this - I had no idea of the meaning of Wai'ala's Hawai'ian name or that this doll was intended to open the pathways of ancestral medicine. To receive this message was the just one part of the huge healing I received from Wai'ala and her ancestors - another was meeting this little tawny frogmouth. They have been walking with me this whole week and they are strong teachers! I am happy to say that I am practicing more gratitude and discipline around my medicine practices and have even released my hold on certain medicines that I was informed were not for me. It has left me with a sense of trust in what I'm doing and deep honour of the animal world, even the ancient creatures who are no longer existing in the same way on our earth but are still here in other forms.

I think sometimes we wait to be perfect to make something beautiful. If we do this, perhaps we will never create anything at all, thinking that we aren't there yet or aren't worthy. I feel that would be very sad for all of us and especially Mother Earth. Each creation is a ripple of love, a teaching from the mother in birthing with love. In these changing times there is so much healing and assistance available to us, especially when we create with the intention of helping another. We are all a little broken at times, we are flawed and a little ragged. We are all human and we are all in this together. Our shadow helps us to keep connected to compassion and empathy and when someone comes to us and they are facing their own dark night of the soul, we may know exactly what is needed. Because we have have been through it ourselves, we can give them hope to keep moving forward.  A tarot spread that really helped me to face my fears during this moon time was a shadow reading I call 'shining a light on the scary'.

My deepest gratitude goes to Wai'ala! I look forward to hugging you in person under the Redwoods at Spirit Weavers Gathering! And my deepest gratitude to your ancestors. I am honoured to share their message:

'Let go of what is not needed, protect what is sacred, remember the living ancients and trust in yourself.'

Thank you FireOrchid Flowing Water Woman.

Tarot Spread for Animal Messages and Transition in 2015

caterpillar photo by Sacred Familiar

Hello, how are you feeling in these early days of 2015? I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions but I'm very interested in contemplation and reviewing the lessons and messages that appear at the close of a year. I usually use January as a time to review the past year and gain clarity about the possibilities for the year to come. I always feel that I tune into the Chinese New Year much more - at the New Moon in February this year - I can physically feel the year birthing at this time. So I love to spend the month of January contemplating, releasing and dreaming - tilling the soil before planting new seeds.

And have I had time to contemplate this year -  on new years day I went for a walk for the first time in a week after being completely bedridden and unable to walk after putting my back out just after Christmas. Like most of us, I really wanted to be joyously greeting the new energies of the year to come. Instead I was living with the consequences of burning myself out at the end of the year, not stopping work even on Christmas Day. Because I love to make art, especially for others, I thought it was ok to just keep on going. Sometimes it's hard to believe that art is work too. But I had to have a good look at my work practices in that long week in bed - why did my feelings of worth come from being productive? Why do I pride myself on my working hard? And why had I forgotten how much I love to read for hours in bed?!!

Needless to say, I had a lot of time for reflection and one thing that stood out for me was how many animals had crossed my path over the last month. Tony and I had been lucky enough to meet a snake, echidna, caterpillar and lots of bees who are now visiting our home many times during the day to drink from a bird bath that we have filled with water gathered at a local natural spring. I realised that I hadn't spent a lot of time with the messages from these animal teachers and that perhaps they had been trying to give me hints about the burnout that was coming but I was too busy to notice.

Echidna photo by Sacred Familiar

Photograph by Sacred Familiar

Last night I created a tarot spread to understand these messages. I wrote down 4 animals that had crossed my path in the last month and then I shuffled the 4 Aces from each different element or suit of the tarot. Each element relates to a suit and to 4 quarters of the wheel:

Ace of Earth : Physical world (body, finances, work)

Ace of Water: Emotional world (love, healing, creativity)

Ace of Air: Mental world (ideas, worries, teaching, communication)

Ace of Fire: Spirit world (passion, dreams, magic, willpower)

I wanted to see what part of my life or element each animal had come to teach me about. I shuffled the Aces (the gifts or blessings of each suit) and placed them beneath medicine representing each animal. For this you can also just write the name of the animal on a piece of paper. I then thought of an animal that has been a big part of my journey this year or perhaps my whole life, a totem and for this animal I chose a Major Arcana card to represent the soul message and also a Minor Arcana card to represent the practical advice from this animal messenger. And finally at the bottom of the spread I began to tap into the tiniest, whispers of promise and opportunity available to me in the beginning month of 2015.

All I can say is I wish I'd done this spread before Christmas! I truly believe that after reading it I would have let myself rest. There were so many messages about slowing down and receiving pleasure, playing more and loving each moment for what it is not what I wanted or hoped it to be. My wish is that this spread helps you to understand the spirit of the last month and the gifts that came to you through your animal visitors (and they can be any animals at all - perhaps you read about a particular animal or watched a documentary that stayed with you for a long time. And of course they can be your own animals that live with you, our wise familiars).

 Animal Elements for Transition Tarot Spread

Animal transition tarot by Sacred Familiar

First separate the Minor & Major Arcana cards and the 4 Aces.

Positions:

1 - 4: Choose 4 different animals & write their names on paper - place in these positions.

5 - 8: Take out the 4 Aces of each element & shuffle. Place them in these positions. The element will tell you what part of your life this animal has come to assist.

9 - 12: Shuffle the Minor Arcana and choose 4 - place here. These cards represent advice on how to create balance and transition in these areas.

13. Think of a significant animal messenger that has been appearing in 2014 or throughout your life and write the name of this animal and place it here.

14. Shuffle the Major arcana and choose a card for the Soul Message from this totem to you in regards to the best way to transition from 2014 to the energy and spirit of 2015.

15. Shuffle the Minor Arcana and choose a card for Practical Advice on how to integrate the Soul Message and apply it in a practical way to create a smooth transition.

16. Major Arcana: Opportunity for growth and blessings in the early part of 2015.

17. Minor Arcana: Opportunity for growth and blessings in the early part of 2015.

Tarot Spread - GrandMother's Gift to the Cosmic Child

This year my biggest teacher has been the inner child, thanks in no small part to the craft of dollmaking. I soon realised that when I moved beyond intellect, the wisest part of me was a child - I call her the Cosmic Child. The Cosmic Child is the part of us that knows what we love to do naturally and well and wants us to create more space to do it in. This is why connecting to her or him is so important when we want to recover our gifts, talents, or understand our calling. In essence - our medicine.

Recently I created a Tarot spread to work with clients to explore and integrate the Shadow called Shining a Light on the Scary. The scariest part of these sessions was not the truth, the shadow issues or the session itself - it was the fear that keeps us from wanting to know the truth - it was the lead up to the session when our minds create the worst outcomes. In almost every session, the treasure that was waiting behind the fear was often their greatest gift - held in the hands of the inner child. More often than not, the fear was in letting that beautiful and innocent part of us out into the world and share our gifts with trust - trusting ourselves to be open completely and share our love. And so once we understood what the shadow behaviour was that kept this treasure hidden, these sessions became more about getting to know the Cosmic Child!

Very often there is work to do to find the Cosmic Child especially when we are carrying wounds from our own childhood. But I'm not comfortable with calling that child the Wounded Child, I feel like we can get stuck in the past sometimes in those old wounds and the most powerful way of letting go of the past is to be present. No one is more present than a child. She helps me to remember that the soul is ancient and that the not too distant past is just one story in her cosmic journey. I like the image of the StarChild - ageless, ancient and futuristic and when I remember that she is the one that lives inside me, it helps me to expand beyond my old limitations and remember my medicine and to feel excited about trying new things. She is my connection to the stars, the cosmos and limitless potential.

So now I know the Cosmic Child how do I take care of her? I wanted grounded practical advice to help me not only co-create a life with her but also how to nourish and protect her. Who would know this better than anyone? Her GrandMother of course! And so this is the next step in this Tarot cycle - GrandMother's Gift to the Cosmic Child. I imagined visiting her ancient grandmother and drinking tea while she told me in no uncertain terms how I must tend and care for this child now that I had released her from the cave and brought her out into the sunlight.

My wish and intention is that this tarot spread gives you solid and practical advice on how to help your Cosmic Child THRIVE!

GrandMother's Gift to the Cosmic Child tarot spread with The Wild Unknown Tarot deck.

Tarot Spread Positions :

1. What Is

2. What the Cosmic Child Wants

3. What the Cosmic Child Needs

4. How you are currently mothering the Cosmic Child - is this connected to your own childhood

5. Behaviours & Beliefs to be Released

6. Behaviours & Beliefs to Embrace

7. GrandMother's Gift for the Cosmic Child

8. Your new journey with the Cosmic Child

Sometimes when we are emotionally overwhelmed or feeling blocked it can be hard to navigate and interpret our own readings, if you would like assistance you can book a reading with Julia here 

Cosmic Children and GrandMother Dolls

I had the best time creating this medicine doll for Tilda who is 11 and a budding young artist. She is the OrchidDreamer friendship doll and filled with orchids grown in Tony's mother's garden and lots of forest flowers that I picked close to our home. While I was making her one of favourite people came to visit and I'm sure all of that laughter and storytelling has been woven into her dress.

Tilda's request for a friendship doll came in the same week that I received 3 more invitations to create dolls for children. This is the CrystalReader doll for Emma who is 12 receiving a sun blessing on her crystal ball.

I have been inspired so much by the spirit of the child whilst making these dolls that I began to make some big changes in my life, creating space for my own cosmic child to play. I created a tarot spread to understand what the cosmic child needs and I will share this spread with our subscribers very soon on the 1st September - the first day of Spring here in Australia.

I believe that whenever we give we receive and this week I had a sudden compulsion to go to our local opshop. And look who I found - my own doll! Isn't she beautiful. I don't know anything about her except that she looks completely handmade right down to her woolly jumper. She reminds me of my ancestors from Scotland and Ireland. Perhaps she is Fox's grandmother and has travelled from the Shetland Islands to take care of us all. Thanks Tilda! I definitely believe you and the OrchidDreamer had a hand in this doll exchange x

Horse Moon Spirit Doll Giveaway

Horse Moon

And here she is, Horse Moon, still becoming... I began her last night in the Full Moon and I will continue to weave her up until the New Moon birth of the Year of the Horse on 30th January. If you book for a Threshold Karmic Tarot reading in January you will go into the draw to win her and I hope she brings you much abundance and creativity in 2014. Inside her tummy are many herbs and flowers but her main medicines are Bee Pollen to pollinate your Golden Dreams and Arnica Flowers - known to witches as Wolf Flower to keep your wild Wolf Heart. Good luck seekers of the Wild love to you for your Full Moon Dreaming x

Threshold Karmic Tarot Reading bookings. 

The Gingko Witch has found her Sister

The winner of the Gingko Witch medicine doll is Sarah of Embodiments Dance! Congratulations Sarah - I think She is very happy to be coming to live with a dancing Medicine WOman. Thank you for everyone who took part and all of the new subscribers.  How did you go with your Threshold Tarot readings? I hope you received lots of clarity and assistance for the new Dream.

The Tarot Weavers - Seer's Return

The Seer by Tammy Mae Moon

This weekend will hold a Swan Blessing circle for the return of the Art of Seership and unbinding of beliefs and vows blocking access to Oracular Divination. In my family, the ability to See is strong but has not always been believed to be a gift. My intention in holding this circle is that we come to know the natural beauty and wisdom of our spirit when it acts as Oracle. As Oracle we will journey back into the past to clear any obstructing beliefs or fears before opening ourselves to create a Medicine Weaver Tarot reading as a way to quest towards our medicine. We will learn ways to release the past and receive assistance in holding and sharing our own unique ancestral wisdom. We will read both for ourselves and for each other. 

This circle is open to all sisters. You do not need to have any experience of the Tarot, we will be journeying and reading purely from our intuition and open heart.

Please let me know if you wish to join us, you will need to bring your own Tarot deck of choice. 

The two decks I will be sharing are The Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert and 

The Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Krans