Illustration: The Princess and the Trolls by John Bauer

What an amazing experience. The most interesting journey I have ever done. The emotion that was experienced was so intense inside my heart, but was finally put at peace through this magical healing. Having picked tarot cards Julia described exactly where I was in my heart. I was feeling trapped with my strong spiritual belief having to remain a secret, through fear of being persecuted, criticized and judged. At the end of the day, my choice to be who I am truly within my heart was being ignored, leaving me untrue to myself and my life as who I am today.
Robyn

Today I would like to share Robyn's recollection of her Swan Ancestral Journey, a story of the Vow to Hide - to not let anyone know who she truly was. This fear of persecution can be one of the strongest ties that bind us and stop us from stepping into a spiritual or magical path again in the present. I hope that in the telling of Robyn's own story, it helps anyone who is also feeling this same fear. I hope it helps you to feel that you are not alone and that it is safe to come out of the shadows to live fully.

“As I looked into the well I became a seven year old girl with long sandy brown hair in braids. All around was forest. Beautiful majestic trees that were as high as the sky. I was met by a woman, but could only see her curly, dark auburn red hair. She was wearing an emerald green cloak made of raw silk. It was stunning and shiny. I couldn't see her face through the shadow of the hood. I felt we were mother and child. She beckoned me to follow her and seemed very excited to show me something. We were skipping and running with such excitement and freedom through the forest.

We came to a clearing in the trees where there were some people in a circle surrounding a fire. They were pagans, all holding hands chanting blessings to the earth. I could see their shapes in white with no defining marks. We joined the circle and began to become one with earth and all the people. We prayed for healing of the world, for peace, for the sick, for all in need. We were healers in an age where this belief could have you branded and killed as a witch.

Suddenly there were screams and men attacking us with sticks, breaking up the circle and beating anyone they could catch. As we fled into the forest they grabbed my mother. They pulled us apart, our arms stretched out for one last chance of touch. I watched as my mother was carried away screaming and kicking holding her arms out to me. I was crying out for her with no hope. I had to hide until it was safe to emerge. As I looked up, a hand reached out for me. It was a man who had come to help. He took me to a secret place where we were allowed to be free and safe. We all lived together in harmony with nature and continued to heal. They taught me the ways of nature and how to use the powers that I possessed.

I grew into a tall, stunning looking woman that walked tall and proud hiding my deep secrets. I was a healer with such powers that I could heal with a single smile or glance. I had my secret kept deep within, not sharing through fear of being killed. I healed from afar. I was living in a Scandinavian town on the edge of the forest. Nobody knew who I was, but I had respect.

When it was time to see my binding I felt a huge rope coil around my entire body much like a snake would strangle their prey. I was bound with this rope with a giant knot in my mouth. The knot represented how I swore to never discuss my secret within. Never to let anyone know I am a healer. Then my mother was reunited with me to show me I was safe. As she put out her arms for me, a feeling of love and peace shot through my entire body. Then my ropes were cut and they fell to the ground. The young girl was free to talk her truth. No more silence, no more fear, I too am free.

After my blessing the Swan circled above with the sun behind her. She came low enough to pick me up and carry me away. I embraced her with gratitude for allowing me to take this journey. I felt safe with her as she flew through the perfect sky, then spiraled down and around to land in the dam paddock of my home. A home I can now appreciate and feel settled and safe in from this day forward.

I believe more and more in past lives and at times have had some amazing things happen to convince me even more again. For a while now I had the feeling that my beliefs and abilities should be kept secret, as judgements and criticisms I have had to face from opening my heart to people have felt so unfair. I am not cuckoo or going to hell, I am an amazing being with a lot to share. Life is good!

Thank you Julia for helping me find peace.” Robyn

The Vow to Never Do Harm

Swan Lore Story

I made this doll for Kristen after she journeyed through her Swan Lore session. There were many clues and hints in this doll for new surprise and gifts that were coming to Kristen but were unknown to us both at the time. But they were known to the dolls...

Today I share Kristen's beautiful Swan story because I feel it touches on an old belief and fear that we carry as women from the Burning Times - that somehow working with nature and magic means that we are doing harm. Or the fear that what we are doing will be misunderstood and lied about and we will be labelled as our great grandmother witches and healers were and persecuted for it.

When I sat in session with Kristen I was very moved because I could feel how pure and rare her spirit was. It's always a gift and honour for me to sit with others in the Swan Lore sessions because I receive so much too. Something really unique was happening as I sat with Kristen, it was as if an older part of myself somehow recognised her. Often, before a session people tell me that I visit them in dreams. It's never something I intend or do consciously but I'm always happy to hear that this happens as if the Swan has made introductions. It wasn't until she wrote and sent me her Swan story afterwards that she told me about the dream she had before we even laid eyes on each other:

"First I want to tell you about the dream I had the night before the Swan Lore session. I was speaking with you and a friend of yours, a maiden helper- deciding about some sort of round symboled jewels to wear on my third eye. I did not recognize any of the symbols; some had animal spirits, but none of them spoke to me even though they were all so beautiful. We began talking about Iceland, and we traveled together to the volcanic rocks outside of Keflavik along the coast. You shapeshifted into an Elf Woman as I told you a story about my son seeing a troll among the rocks. You were speaking Icelandic, in a trance- your pupils were pinpoints, your ears were slightly pointed. You stayed that way, speaking Icelandic in trance until I woke up."

And now for the retelling of my Swan Lore story:

'As I looked into the pool, I saw myself- I was young and had very long red, wavy hair. As the well water rippled I saw a woman, ancient and weathered, with hair like mine but white and gray. I followed her and we arrived at her home in the woods where she lived alone. It was a small cottage, well taken care of, but round and the light was dappled and happy though the leaves of the great trees towering above us. She was used to being alone and moved with ease as she led me down the carefully laid stones to the house. On her arm she carried a basket filled with plants and roots and along the pathway and surrounding the house were a number of plants used for medicines. We walked in and I saw more plants hanging for drying, and others that were piled along the table. There was one window in the house- one chair, one table, a hearth and a bed. There were other plants in clay pots and jars on shelves.

I was aware that people would come find her in the woods for her medicines and for her Sight. A woman came for medicine and looked wary of being there. She was cloaked, but desperate for the old woman’s help, for the old woman not only worked with plants but very secretly, very carefully and covertly worked in other ways- in the other realms. Her Grandmother had taught her the ways of the forest, the Old Ways, the Spirit of the Plants and the ways of healing with the Earth. She was so pleased to learn and thought her Grandmother the most powerful and kind of all people. Her Grandmother handed her Rosemary- something very important, a pausing, a way of remembering. This was for her to keep for herself, a totem of the Medicine she was teaching her, the same way her Grandmother had taught her and so on and so on. The ancestral lineage passed on from many lifetimes. I felt so deeply connected and so grateful. We flashed back to when the old woman was a young woman. She was gathering plants with her Grandmother, walking along the side of small cottage which the two of them shared. She was feeling a deep heaviness and like the plants and the life she was bound to was a burden- She felt like she wanted to marry- she was so angry, so angry at her Mother. Her Mother was gone.

It was hard to look. Her Mother had died in a fire, a witch’s burning. She died with three other women who were also burned; for practicing her Sacred Medicine. Her Mother had long blonde hair. She watched from the very back of the crowd, cloaked and stood next to her Grandmother. Before the burning was complete, her Grandmother hurried her away, deep into the forest and taught her the Old Ways. She was only about 16 at the time and did not understand everything, for she promised to Never do Harm- something her Mother was accused of, although she never actually caused any harm. All of the cycles of life had become confused all around her. She vowed to stay alone, she felt deeply burdened by this responsibility- to practice the Medicine, what her Grandmother told her was the most important thing. More important than anything else. When she died, there was a woman and a child with her, possibly her own daughter and granddaughter. As she took her last breath she turned to face the single window of the house and focused on the doe just outside. As she took her last breath, she saw nothing but the doe.

The bound agreement of the burden of the life of a healer, the obligation of healing, the solitude, and the vow to Never do Harm manifested into thick jungle vines. They wove themselves around me, around my torso and began to tighten like a vice. It was hard to breathe. The well woman gave me a ball of light in each hand to cut the vines, and with this action the Story and the agreements, the burden, the lies, and the confusion withered away dissolving into light.

Then it was me- the Red haired maiden and the Blonde Mother as One- surrounded by all of our Grandmothers from the well woman and her Grandmother and her Grandmother and so on and so on- the circle around us was grand indeed. My crown was made of roses and rosemary, and the White Raven came and rested on my left shoulder. I was washed clean.”

I will say, the following week after this blessing I sat down in meditation and the White Raven came back- this time flying into my womb and settling in for the long haul. It has not left me since. Thank you for this opportunity for deep connection with myself, with my ancestors, and with those to come.

Blessings and Love, Kristen

I hope we can all come to a place of being able to offer the gifts of our lineage and ancestral folklore with love and trust again. Thank you Kristen for sharing your Swan story and your dream.