ancestral memory

Swan Story :: My Familiar Stranger

Thank you Julia, I have experienced so much healing from releasing this vow. I also feel that part of my soul experience has now become open to me within this life. You have shared a truly amazing gift, the gift of remembering who we are and all we can be, Kelly.

We are all made of stories and it is fascinating for me to sit with people as they remember ancient stories that feel like they happened only yesterday. After her Swan Ancestral Journey with me, Kelly sent me her Swan Story of retrieving the gift of her own ancestral wisdom from a ‘familiar stranger’.

“She came to me my familiar stranger and shared with me her emotions and memories. Her feelings reflected my own. The heavy ones that had lived so deeply within me for as long I could remember. I had taken them to be mine. I had taken them to be of this life, but they where not. They were the blonde haired girl's all along, and she was I. But that life has gone. She had lost her freedom to be herself when all her love was taken from her. This blonde haired girl had lived on the land amongst the natural people. These folk lived in small homes with lavish gardens and roaming wild life. Most of her days were spent running with the deer.

When I first encountered her she was outside with the women from the house chanting and sharing stories. I was drawn to her immediately. The youngest of the group, no more thirteen years. The wide-eyed, golden haired girl soaking up the lesson being offered by the wise women - with an awe of excitement.  This place was special, the Faerie played there. Together they worshipped the land healing plant, animal, and human alike.   People travelled far to see the natural people and be healed from both mental and physical ailments. No payment was exchanged. The risk of travel was enough and to arrive by the cover of night was they only request of the healers.

One night in a blink of an eye the blonde haired girl's life was turned to ash. By the men in black who travel the countryside, defusing the light in people’s hearts. On this night only one survived. The young girl was taken by the men and placed in a cold blue-stoned cell and robed in black. They tried to force her to use her abilities to heal their wounded men. Though she refused with conviction. As she laid in the darkness she bound her light and shielded her love, she would not share the magic of the land with those who were only out to destroy it.

Her magic was strong and her internal binding became physical. She herself was bound in rope by the men in black and left in the darkness - left to fade. Her sadness was deep, her conviction was strong and her intentions where true and clear. I could feel it. I had felt it before. I'd felt the bound girl inside, often a dull aching I could not quite place.  While connecting to this feeling I was transported to my sacred space. The space that I enter upon meditation and out of the water she emerged, that I of the past. She was now free I had become the one bound. Our eyes met, two of the same, she untied me from the rope she had once been bound in, and then she smiled.

And with that smile she whispered –

‘Thank you for coming back for me., now we are both free and in your world you don’t have to hide, you can dance under the moonlight without fear, you can use your magic, release our light and show others the way to theirs. Always remember the Faerie as they are still with you’. 

Kelly

Swan Story :: Retrieval of the Dreamer by Lucy Pierce

I love working with artists. It’s always special when you get to journey with someone whose art you admire. This painting, Soulskin by Lucy Pierce lives in my home. Years ago, when I lived in the forest, Lucy visited me to do a pathworking session together in a Swan Ancestral Journey. After her journey, Lucy wrote her recollection of this experience of finding the missing pieces in the form of a poem.

Retrieval

Like an unsung song I have always known,

I have experienced myself to be riddled

with incomplete spaces

and unlived places within.

As though essential clues were still buried,

deep inside the body,

indecipherable codes and locks and holds,

camouflaged and obscure,

deflecting light and attention and love.

And now like an awakened crusade,

I have mounted my stead and bare-breasted I ride,

powerful and fierce and exquisitely soft inside,

into the darkness of my history,

back through the gateways

of my deaths and my births,

eyes piercing the shadows,

anchored within the womb,

my vigilant sentry,

ancient seer, awakened.

The rhythmic stride of my mount unrelenting,

senses strained to their full,

I am retrieving myself piece by piece,

unbinding the vows of my past,

reclaiming the power held captive

beyond the reach of my memory.

I am calling her home to me

She who carries her medicine,

She who hungers to be seen,

She who knows the heart-seed of her purpose,

the unfolding mystery of being home

in the throne-room of her soul.

From between the plump, sticky folds of my motherhood,

my Huntress awakens,

sleek and honed

and dark as the night.

She is retrieving the Dreamer

to the heart of life,

searching for She who sees the vision

and holds within her,

clear and true and easefull

the capacity to respond.

The heavy compass of authority

swinging from the outer to within.

It is time and there is no other path

but this focused reclamation of myself ,

of my vision, my purpose,

my dream, my response,

my authority,

my love.

Lucy Pierce

Swan Story :: Releasing the Vow to Hide

Today I would like to share Robyn's recollection of her Swan Ancestral Journey, a story of the Vow to Hide - to not let anyone know who she truly was. This fear of persecution can be one of the strongest ties that bind us and stop us from expressing our creativity and intuition. I hope that in the telling of Robyn's own story, it helps anyone who is also feeling this same fear. I hope it helps you to feel that you are not alone and that it is safe to come out of the shadows to live fully.

“As I looked into the well I became a seven year old girl with long sandy brown hair in braids. All around was forest. Beautiful majestic trees that were as high as the sky. I  was met by a woman, but could only see her curly, dark auburn red hair.  She was wearing an emerald green cloak made of raw silk. It was stunning and shiny.  I couldn't see her face through the shadow of the hood.  I felt we were mother and child. She beckoned me to follow her and seemed very excited to show me something. We were skipping and running with such excitement and freedom through the forest.

We came to a clearing in the trees where there were some people in a circle surrounding a fire. They were pagans, all holding hands chanting blessings to the earth. I could see their shapes in white with no defining marks. We joined the circle and began to become one with earth and all the people. We prayed for healing of the world, for peace, for the sick, for all in need. We were healers in an age where this belief could have you branded and killed as a witch.

Suddenly there were screams and men attacking us with sticks, breaking up the circle and beating anyone they could catch. As we fled into the forest they grabbed my mother. They pulled us apart, our arms stretched out for one last chance of touch. I  watched as my mother was carried away screaming and kicking holding her arms out to me. I was crying out for her with no hope.  I had to hide until it was safe to emerge. As I looked up, a hand reached out for me. It was a man who had come to help. He took me to a secret place where we were allowed to be free and safe. We all lived together in harmony with nature and continued to heal. They taught me the ways of nature and how to use the powers that I possessed.

I grew into a tall, stunning looking woman that walked tall and proud hiding my deep secrets. I  was a healer with such powers that I could heal with a single smile or glance. I had my secret kept deep within, not sharing through fear of being killed.  I healed from afar. I was living in a Scandinavian town on the edge of the forest. Nobody knew who I was, but I had respect.

When it was time to see my binding I felt a huge rope coil around my entire body much like a snake would strangle their prey. I was bound with this rope with a giant knot in my mouth. The knot represented how I swore to never discuss my secret within. Never to let anyone know I am a healer.  Then my mother was reunited with me to show me I was safe. As she put out her arms for me, a feeling of love and peace shot through my entire body. Then my ropes were cut and they fell to the ground. The young girl was free to talk her truth. No more silence, no more fear, I too am free.

After my blessing the Swan circled above with the sun behind her. She came low enough to pick me up and carry me away.  I embraced her with gratitude for allowing me to take this journey. I felt safe with her as she flew through the perfect sky, then spiraled down and around to land in the paddock of my home. A home I can now appreciate and feel settled and safe in from this day forward.

I believe more and more in past lives and at times have had some amazing things happen to convince me even more again. For a while now I had the feeling that my beliefs and abilities should be kept secret, as judgements and criticisms I have had to face from opening my heart to people have felt so unfair. I am not cuckoo or going to hell, I am an amazing being with a lot to share. Life is good!

Robyn

Swan Story :: The Net Mender and Perfectionism

Newhaven Fisherman - reproduced with acknowledgement Edinburgh Museum

Recently I held a Swan Ancestral Session for a young man living in Iceland. He was born in another land and was brought up speaking English. Even though he had lived in Iceland for a long time and had learnt the language well, when it came time to express himself, especially when he was emotional, he found he could not speak fluently. And yet, when he dreamt, he dreamt in Icelandic and spoke it perfectly. He told me he was drawn strongly to Iceland, that he had to uproot his whole life and world to move there and yet he was facing these issues of being stuck in his expression there. When he got emotional he could not speak.

When we journeyed together he saw himself as a man mending nets. He was very skilled in his craft. His grandmother had taught him how to do this when he was a small boy. When his little hands couldn’t mend the nets well, his grandmother asked him to look into the water and see that ‘all nets mattered’ because even though it wasn’t perfect and he’d left big spaces in the net, the net still worked - small fish swam out of it but the bigger fish were held inside of it.

When the boy grew into a man, he was very respected in his village for his strong and well-made nets. He was relied upon and valued in his community. But with this responsibility, he became more rigid in his thinking and began to create a new belief that every net had to be perfect and that ‘every detail matters’.

Unfortunately the challenge in his life came when his wife passed away in childbirth. This moment fractured the man. He became obsessed with the detail that he’d missed. The one detail that he believed could have somehow saved his wife’s life. He punished himself for missing this detail, he believed he had failed and that he had not kept his wife ‘safe within the net’.

His grief was so strong that it took away his ability to speak.

After his session we spoke about perfectionism and that this story had placed an unbearable weight on him about getting ‘every detail right’. He created a new belief for himself to let go of the perfectionist and laugh at mistakes because he was always learning. He told me in his journey the most beautiful moment was when he looked into water and watched the fish in the reeds and listened to the music the water made.

It reminded me of this photo that I took when Tony & I used to gather water from the spring near Wombat Forest in Victoria.

Learn more about Swan Pathworking Sessions with Julia..

Vow of the Priestess to Separate Body from Spirit

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"I am naked under the gaze and protection of the stars. I am stargazing, star bathing, star being. Filled with the light, and energy and knowing of the stars. They move into me, touching me, illuminating me and the map, the mystery, the way, connecting me to my story, my songs, my dance, my medicine. As my blood returns to source, source fills me in return, with the dreaming and visions that will hold me during my growth, my woman years. I am star clan, star dreamer and star weaver."

I'm always honoured to sit with people in their ancestral journeys in Swan Blessing sessions. I am not only holding space, I am listening intently, learning, travelling with and being taught about the ancient ways of each ancestral lineage. Because not only is ancestral clearing about releasing vows and beliefs the biggest gift and point to the work is to see and remember times when our ancestors lived in great connection to the earth and where respect for her cycles was woven into everything they did. Living life as a ceremony. I had the pleasure of sharing such a journey with Sarah who came to clear a vow, a memory in her lineage of a lifetime as a a priestess living in this beautiful way and then witnessing the destruction of this time of sacred living. A vow so strong that it created a separation between body and spirit. Her journey took her back to her most ancient of ancestors, the star clans, the star grandmothers and she was reminded of that she will always be a child of the stars, she will always have ways of finding her way home. When Sarah came out of her journey she looked up at the painting you see above, an original artwork by artist and fellow forest-dweller, Nadia Turner that hangs in our healing space as quiet guardian and was amazed to recognise her from her own journey and ancestral lineage.

"In the clearing we gather. In the clearing we work, laugh, play and connect to source, to her. The earth underneath our bare feet is soft, cushioned by leaf fall from the tall trees that guard our homes, which lie on the flat stone plateau. The trees are known to us. We listen to them, talk to them, understand their wisdom and offerings. We are in constant exchange with them, air, shelter, shade, fruit, and our own prayers and tending in return. 

I move through time, through the ages watching myself in this place of sacred connection. As a child I walk with my father through the forest, listening to his songs and chants. He takes me to the place where the grandmothers dwell so that I may learn from them. Learn about the plants, the herbs, their gifts, protections and poisons. Life and death are close allies too.

At my first blood I am taken by the women to the bleeding place, and then left. They leave me to journey here alone with the trees and the stars. I am naked under the gaze and protection of the stars. I am stargazing, star bathing, star being. Filled with the light, and energy and knowing of the stars. They move into me, touching me, illuminating me and the map, the mystery, the way, connecting me to my story, my songs, my dance, my medicine. As my blood returns to source, source fills me in return, with the dreaming and visions that will hold me during my growth, my woman years. I am star clan, star dreamer and star weaver.

Older, much older now. I am sitting in the cave of the Grandmothers, feeling the warmth of their wisdom and knowing. They are deep in the belly of the cave, while I sit at the entrance, with my fire and a pot filled with leaves. Smoke from the fire merges with the potent steam from the pot, the small clay pot that was once my mothers, and hers before her. Another woman is with me, inhaling the scent, and the healing of the steam. The spirits speak to her through smoke, cleansing and healing. I hold her hands .

We are not such a large group, 50 or so people living here with the trees, the plants, the forest animals, and with earth, water, fire, and air. We are strong in our bonds to each other, and other local clans. We are strong in our connection to source. We have lived like this for a long time, a long time. We know how to listen.

But my listening troubles me now. I hear a noise in the forest that I do not know, I sense fear in the animals, and even the trees. I ask the grandmothers. The Grandmothers see a time of pain, a time of estrangement and loss. A loss greater than we have ever known, but they seem to wait for it. I am upset and angry, even though they reassure me that we will remember, that the stars will call us home again. But when and how and what is coming?

I know soon enough. Soon enough I see them coming on horseback, coming with a ferocity we have not experienced. Hooves pounding, earth and dust flying, shouts and screams from them and us mingle into a horrifying scream. They come only to destroy, There is no regard for our rules, our ways, they come to trample and burn. Fire our ally, is turned against us, and they on horseback ride through our homes, alighting everything that will burn. Trees, ancient trees burn with my people, burn with the animals and the bodies of the young, the old, the all. Death is everywhere. Death is.

I am alone now, howling and grieving, and raging, and lost. I am a survivor only by there doing, one to witness the destruction, and to tell of their victory, their ways, their story. I will not tell their story, I will not tell their story and I will not priestess again. I will not. Not now, not ever. The temple of our lives is gone, the wisdom and knowing is gone and although my body lives on, my spirit is gone too. 

How long did I wander in the wilderness, scraping an existence, scraping something called life together? I wanted death, I wanted destruction but I was alive . Seven years passed before I saw daughters again, before I saw daughters of another clan, sowing seeds, preparing what they knew. I should have been overjoyed, I should have helped them, But I was not and I did not. I was not going to help create that which could so easily be destroyed again. I had made my vow, and I would keep it. I cut myself off from the wisdom that remained in the trees, the earth, the water, the fire and the stars. I even turned my back on the stars. And this turning away from, this cutting off from has been so very painful. In this life I have sought to reconnect with the source of all, to be held in the deep embrace of the earth mother, to refind myself as an earthling, a wild one, she who knows…and yet I have stumbled through the pain and separation of activism to the joy of my embodied dance work, but still I have been caught in the illusion of separation, still disembodied.  My work with the school of Shamanic Womancraft was a deep resurgence of all that I knew, and all that I had to trust. It was a huge part of my healing, and still I stumbled to trust my medicine, to trust my gifts. 

So this is my story. And through the swan blessing I realised that the vow I had made meant that I had cut myself off from my people, my ancestry, my knowing. I had separated body and spirit. I had in fact chosen to live the story of the oppressor, separating myself from source, just as they said was true. This story of separation is with us now, embedded in the culture in which we live today , and for many years I have been trying to reclaim a way home, to my body, and the body of earth, to integration with and to source. 

And although I went looking for my medicine instread and for me more profoundly I found a way home, a way back to my clan, my heritage, to source. After releasing my bindings and my vow, the grandmothers welcomed me home. They sang me and carried me home. They had never left, it was I who had left them. But now I am home, singing myself, dancing myself, trusting myself that my medicine is a home coming, a return to earth/star/body/spirit. And the messages keep coming, the grandmothers, the animals, the spirits are guiding me.

Towards the end of the swan blessing, I saw a star clan sister on the wall, and in front of me. I was staggered to see a woman from my vision there in a painting. Deep bow to the mystery. My work now is to continue to remember, to reclaim my heritage and to listen again to the wisdom of the heavens and the earth. I have had many beautiful conversations with the earth since then. A spontaneous swim with dolphins in the sea, visits by birds, feathers and of course the stars. My work now is to listen again to the songs of the trees, the earth and my people, to deepen my connection to my clan and this blessed earth. 

I am home."  Sarah 2016 

Thank you Sarah for sharing your Swan story here with us, your words are a poem to remind us all of how we used to live and how to recreate this sacred life again. You can explore Sarah's beautiful offerings of circles embodying the women's mysteries and earth wisdom through dance and movement at Embodiments Dance - Sarah Miller

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