The Healing Weaver

The Healing Weaver

Hagstone & Swan Lore Story

Today I share Lori's Swan Lore story of the weaving healer.

With all Hagstone sessions I ask the one seeking a vision to prepare in the days before by recalling a time in childhood when they felt completely magical and open to their gifts and shared them happily with others. Once this has been remembered we look at how and why these gifts came to be seen as wrong or even almost a secret. Lori had contacted me with the intention to 'connect fully to my creative spirit'. She remembered that as a child she had loved being a storyteller and was good at it but there was now some kind of fear or anxiety around expression or trying to write about what is sacred. I opened and held space for Lori so that we could journey together and see where and why her voice been silenced? This is Lori's Swan journey to find the weaving healer and uncover the hole in the stone.

Artwork: Woman Spinning Wool by Knud Berslien

The Hagstone - Swan Lore Story

"My first Swan Lore session was almost a year and a half ago.  It was a particularly visual journey and felt easy to write.  Since that time, I’ve undergone a few deep initiations and find myself at another crossroad, deeper into my path.  My inside voice said it was time to sit with Julia again.

For some reason, the story of my Hag Stone doesn’t feel easy to write.  It was a far more “feeling/sensing” journey than a visual one this time. I was releasing a few profound pieces the night Julia and I gathered for the session (unbeknownst to Julia.)  The process brought on immediate physical release and healing.  For these reasons, this journey feels far more personal.  I am going to push through this uneasiness, though, and just write the story because it’s part of the healing.

My intention for this session was to fully open my gift of connecting to the language of nature ~ to fully connect to my creative spirit.  When we entered the blessing space, I was reminded of my gift for writing stories and how it bridged the distance for my child-self when we moved away from my favourite magical place (“the lake”) and my favourite magical people (my maternal grandparents.)  I was reminded how my maternal grandmother used to tell me stories and how I got lost in the magic of those tales ~ how I could literally FEEL the magic.  “Magic”, to me, is a kind of full feeling that comes either into my head first or my heart.  It feels like absolutely anything is possible ~ like doors you never knew were there are opening. It fills my body and sets off all the lights in my brain, like a beautiful symphony of fireworks.  It’s the fuel of living beauty and when it flows, perspectives may be shifted, wounds may be healed and lives may be changed.

Julia guided me to the well.  I looked in and saw a woman moving up through the water.   She had the brightest green eyes and long, blonde hair. I didn’t recognise her. Julia asked me, “who do you see?”  I was having difficulty because I didn’t know who I was seeing, but the woman kept staring at me with smiles and mischief in her eyes.  I was about to tell Julia that I didn’t know who I was seeing when I was filled with a powerful feeling, beginning in my heart - one I knew inside and out.  It was the spirit of magic.  The woman was me in another lifetime.  She took me into her realm and as we walked the footpath through the forest to her home, she was talking aloud in an almost sing-song voice.  Many forest animals came running to her and she put her hand out to greet them.   She lived in a small, white stone cottage filled with a welcoming spirit.  Every part of this place was infused with a sense of peace, of grace, of being found ~ a place where a person could finally put down their troubles and find solace.  It was a bright place filled with jars of delicious things, threads, brushes, cloth, and supplies for all kinds of needlework.  A big fire was burning brightly in the fireplace and there was a pot hanging over the flames.  There was a full picture window that spanned the length of the front of the cottage.  To the right of the fireplace was a wall full of shelves.  The shelves were full of wool ~ some raw, some spun.  Then I saw a beautiful spinning wheel and a loom. Women would come to her for healing.  One by one.   She sat them down in a chair and stood behind them, not touching them, but close enough that they could feel her comforting presence.  She did this until she could sense they had settled into themselves. She placed her hands on their shoulders and, with the movements of her hands, began to settle whatever was troubling them ~ to bring healing, moving from the upper back of the woman and ending by placing a hand over the heart place.  The women were completely at peace in the chair.

As they sat in their solace, she would move to her wheel and spin wool ~ putting into it the particular healing for the woman she had just laid hands on.  Once the wool was spun, she worked needles or her loom to create a healing shawl for the woman, so that she could carry her healing wherever she went.  Everyone who came to see her for healing loved her.  They felt seen. They felt understood.

The healing work went on uninterrupted until one day, a woman turned up on her doorstep not wanting healing, but to apprentice with her.   The woman appeared earnest in her desire, so the weaving healer woman wholeheartedly shared all the ways of her practice. I was then shown the woman on the doorstep had 2 faces:  one of an attentive student and one of a backstabbing gossip monger.  The woman used everything the weaving healer had shared with her to discredit her work and mock her gift.  She painted her as an insane, dangerous woman, she warned people away from her.   At that moment, I saw a dark, clay wall build around the weaving healer ~ her heart was broken.  From then on, she only allowed herself the smallest space for her gift ~ shared only with herself.  She would sometimes let it out a bit further, but would always recoil with fear and grief.  The animals in the forest, however, remained loyal to her.

At the moment of healing in this story, the weaving healer and I switched places.  I was encased in dark clay and she was bright and free again.  The Daughter of the Well gave me a copper hammer and I smashed the clay tomb around me into a million bits of dust.   As the tomb smashed, I saw all the women who the weaving healer had helped - making their way through the forest - each wearing their healing shawls. This gift of the weaving healer is no longer choked in me like a tiny trickle of water in a dried-up riverbed.  This gift of the weaving healer, this spirit of magic, is now a flowing torrent that runs freely through my veins.  The star grandmothers have blessed me and I am free to allow the healing spirit of magic, to allow the fuel of living beauty, to flow through me and my work, unfettered.

Thank you, always, dear Julia, for shining the light and illuminating a way in. Infinities of love and all good things". Lori

I am happy to say that Lori's ancestral memory of weaving, spinning and knitting with love and intention is very much alive in her life again and you can see her beautiful work as Swurlygirl Working Wool. I will watch with great curiosity as Lori also makes way for her stories to emerge to be shared again too now that she has given herself permission to share them again with others. Thank you so much Lori I'm putting my name down for one of those healing shawls when they are ready to return.

Booking a Swan Blessing with Julia

Leaving the Grey Life Behind

Spellbound by Frederick George Cotman

Leaving the Grey Life Behind

Swan Lore Story

"The swans beak presses against the back of my heart, and her wings wrap around me. The child and the grandmother. My inner child and my wise woman. Fled in fear, destroyed and separated. Yet leaving messages to be understood down the path of time, to return home to this place of light. To shine. And work the magic of our lineage that can not be destroyed."

I believe that there are echoes of memory in our own DNA and spirit of the experiences and stories lived by our ancestors. Sometimes these memories are full of fear and guilt and at first they feel like they are part of our present experience but the more we journey with them we see how they are strange and irrational. We somehow know that they are part of us but do not belong to us.  

Today I share Rachel's story of journeying with the Swan along her own ancestral line to uncover and release a chain of guilt and shame that has been buried deep in her ancestry. I'm so happy that the child and the grandmother - the inner child and wise woman can now play freely again. The knowledge of the plants and nature is part of Rachel's ancestral folklore and it can be shared and received as it was intended - as a wise and beautiful inheritance.

Swan Lore Story:

"I enter a restful peaceful forested glade. I approach a waterfall, which cascades into a deep glade. The water falls across my head and down my face. I am on my knees, gazing into the deep pool of water. I see the faces of two women. Both with stories to tell. Fading in and out of view. One as old as this place. With long white hair, and eyes full of wisdom. The other, a younger woman – I feel her fragility. Some nervousness. She wears a finely tailored dress of a servant, and is in her mid twenties. It is her that I receive.

I am in the basement of a Georgian/Victorian terrace home. It is the servant quarters. There is the smallest sliver of light coming through from a window to the city street above. It is here that I sleep and mend. Above is a family who I work for. I feel very alone and feel judged and avoided by other servants and domestics that I come into contact with. I am full of a sense of otherness, of escapism. I go to the very back of the room. I lift a rug to show a ‘grate’ that covers a deep hole in the ground. I feel I must confess it is a very dark energy that comes from this ‘pit’. This vortex. I feel I must appear to not invite this energy. Yet it is here that I lay and dream. The rug back once again, overlaying this deep ‘vortex’.

I cannot tell you what it is that I dream here, only that I am full of dreams. Perhaps it is to sew. Yet, with the ink stain on my finger, I know that I dream to write. Immediately, a vision. I, she, am sitting naked and cross legged, a pure energy being, over that vortex of energy that is rising up from the ground. I/she is connected to Source. I am beyond time and place. This is in answer to your question. We travel to a forest. A long way away from this city. I am a child. I am with my Grandmother being led on a gentle path through a tall forest filled with light. I feel safe, warm, and led by this woman who shows me herbs with her beautiful old and perfect hands. I live here with my Grandmother. We live in a wooden house surrounded by trees. Immediately time and memory becomes fragmented.

I am both hovering above a scene with uniformed soldiers who are attacking my Grandmother who lies on the floor, imploring me in her mind, with the last of her vital energy to escape this place. They wear dark clothes, angular. There is fire in the forest surrounding our home. I am running and running as fast as I can in the direction my Grandmother pointed. It is as if the great white light that surrounded my Grandmother and our home was the reason the soldiers came. I understand that the gifts of our lineage that were manifest in the material realm will emerge in perfect time. It is that light that still protects me and leads me home. I ran and ran as our home was surely ground to ash. In the years that followed I was taken in by a family, with whom I did a lot of farm chores. When I became a young woman I was sent away to work as a domestic in this city. Perhaps over the ocean.

I come to the glade. To the waterfall. I and she stand face to face. I take her hands in mine. I gaze into her brown eyes, her innocent face. What is there to say to this woman, my mother of my mothers. ‘It was not your fault. It is time to release the guilt at your Grandmothers death’. I feel a release and know that the heaviness that infused her life, is the heaviness that infuses mine, and the hiding, the fear of being safe, and the burden of carrying a gift that can not be expressed. We are back in the forest, behind the veil, of the veil. The Grandmother is there, and the child runs to her and is taken in her arms. It is as it was, once again. As it should be. The rightful place. Hand in hand, learning the lore of the land, protected and safe to grow into a woman who channels this light. The swans beak presses against the back of my heart, and her wings wrap around me. The child and the grandmother. My inner child and my wise woman. Fled in fear, destroyed and separated. Yet leaving messages to be understood down the path of time, to return home to this place of light. To shine. And work the magic of our lineage that can not be destroyed.

As stood with binding around me. White cotton first, that fell, and I felt a weight lifting. I didn’t need to be silent anymore. Underneath were chains, and I had a brief moment of fear, and felt the pull into darkening visions. Julia was intuitive, strong and didn’t falter with her direction for me to make the choice. It was a clear choice. I let the chains fall. This was the moment of reckoning. I had carried those chains for lifetimes along bloodlines, and there was nothing left for me to gain from them. Metal chains of guilt, taken on by the innocent, and which held me trapped in fear – Fears that my light made me unsafe, and would bring violence and trauma upon me and those I love. I was carrying a story that my truest soul expression, this expression of the Earth song had no place in this world. That this expression and its power to heal was of a time past, destroyed. I needed to grow up, and face the reality of a grey life – Grow up before my time, into a world without the wisdom of the Elders who held the interconnected web of life in their being. It didn’t feel like the end of a journey. I felt clear, curious and gently driven to experience the world, and myself without the weight of a thousand lifetimes!!!

I had been witnessed, and I had heard my voice after what felt like such a long time. I had new affirmations to practice morning and night – affirmations of the energetic vibration that I put out to the world. I immediately felt the power of these affirmations, extending outwards from me with love, expression of Source . For me, this is the work, to take one step after the next, embodying this wisdom, these choices, this deep soul work – this work that would not have happened without Julia. I feel so grateful to her and her work in the world. Also that she introduced me to the Swan, whose gentle love never falters, is patient, clear and true, and supports me when I call."

Rachel

Living Classroom

I was so happy to read about Rachel's current work leading children into the Australian bush to find bush tucker, to know what plants are and do, what is edible and full of healing. Thank you Rachel for sharing your beautiful story and opening your arms to your grandmothers again. I hope it has helps anyone who is reading and relating to this story.

Seer of Cornwall

Seer of Cornwall

Swan Lore Story

At this Equinox morning I am very happy to share with you the Swan Lore story of the reclaiming of ancestral wisdom by Cornish healer and teacher, Mandy Adams. Just over a year ago I woke from a dream of watching light on the ocean and heard the name 'Cornwall' spoken very clearly to me. I had already been planning to visit my own ancestral lands of Scotland but this call to visit Cornwall came directly from the spirit of the Swan.

Mandy spoke with such a deep love and connection to her homeland of Cornwall and her long line of grandmothers who were midwives and all born and bred in that ancient land. But the more we talked, the more Mandy became aware of a feeling of holding back from offering her work teaching women, young and old about the spiritual practice of menstruality. How even though this was her deepest most beloved work, there was a fear of something old...a memory of being persecuted for sharing ancient mysteries. And so we made a time to journey together with Swan Blessing to see where this was coming from and how to prevent the niggling feeling to work undercover.

Last October I got to meet Mandy in person and even better, we met at a place most sacred to her in Cornwall, Cary Euny which is where I took the photos above. In this ancient Iron Age stone village I could feel just how connected Mandy was to her land and that she belonged to it. There was such a serenity emanating from Mandy as she stood in this place, her connection was long and deep. She guided us into the stone temple space underground that had been reserved for women's ceremonies and we chanted into the illuminated green stones. Phosphorescent moss!! It covered the stones inside the dark temple space so that when it was hit by the light the whole round space glowed bright green! I have never seen anything like it and will always connect this magical site to Mandy and her lineage of healers.

Yesterday Mandy launched her new website !! proudly sharing the mysteries and spiritual magic of menarche, motherhood and menopause. I am so happy to see her sharing her wisdom with freedom and grace and I now share the story of the vow that needed to be released to help her to do it.

Swan Lore Story:

‘I Mandy am Seer and Healer. I now choose to allow my medicine to flow through me again. I find courage when I am afraid. I nourish those around me with my words. It is safe to stay connected, and my gift in doing so allows others to come back into connection also’.

"Julia leads me on a journey. I am made aware of my body and any feelings of pain or tightness. I am asked to send love to these areas and through the water in every cell of my body - to flood my whole body with love. Julia asks me to call upon the Grandmother of my land, the ancient ancient grandmother of Cornwall. Place of my home, place of my birth and place of my long long line of ancestors who stand behind me. I feel this ancient ancient Grandmother holding my feet with her warm warm hands and I feel my body melt into being held by Her. I am surrounded by green and the trees that encircle me are the trees that have bared witness to my entire soul journey. They recognise me and I welcome in this ancient woodland. I call upon all my spirit guides, spirit animals and plants. I am surrounded by them. They encircle me and send encouragement towards me. The circle that I am held in reminds me that I am never alone and the love that enfolds me is tangible. I move my arms and it feels like a thick jelly-like sphere that moves with me as my spirit tribe holds me.

I am led to a waterfall and as I enter I feel my body. I am renewed and connected. Connected to the long thread of lives that I have lived. Moving all the way back and all the way forward, with me now as observer. I peer into the deep deep pool of water beside the waterfall. I see the face of an old woman. She has grey wavy hair. It is wild like mine. She has brown weathered skin and deep brown eyes. She belongs to the land. She takes me inside her roundhouse. It is full of drying herbs, foods and many many things are stored and being preserved by the fire. We sit and I watch her offering food to all the people who regularly come to visit her. They sit with her and she gives them what they need. It is nothing fancy or unusual it is simple. She is listening. She listens to their stories and offers nourishment. Each visitor is delighted to receive her knowing and the connections she can make between their dreams, their daily living and their longing. She is known for her ability to ‘reconnect’ the individuals who visit. Her insight and embodiment are part of her gift to her tribe. She is a ‘Seer’.

I am taken further back to watching her as a girl learning her skills. She is left to play and watch alongside her mother. She gathers food, plays on the cliffs among the wild flowers and rests on the granite stones all around the landscape. She is free to listen to nature, the plants, the animals, and she is filled with a joy of life and living.

I see her in the middle of her life with her children around her and her beginning to notice the change in her people as shining metal soldiers walking and with horses begin to live nearby. They are Roman and there is a desire in many to be seen as ‘civilized’ as those they understand the newcomers in square houses to be. There is fear and greed and a sense of striving, which was not here before.

I am taken to the time in this life when I die. I am being asked to conform in someway. To bow down to the holy Roman empire - to kiss the ring of the general in submission to their power over my land. I will not conform. I will not avert my eyes. I will not abandon my land or my people. One by one my children (now adults with families of their own) are killed before me. Each defiant and wet with tears that it is the right thing to do. I will not abandon what I know to be the living power within me, and my land. I am ridiculed as my eyes are burned with a red hot stick. “See now Seer of Cornwall” they jaunt. I have been weeping bitterly but can no longer weep, grief and rage consume me as I fall to my knees.

I am taken to view the scene from above. I am hanging from a tree. I have been bound with ivy, my hands tied behind my lower back. I am broken and I make a vow:

‘I must be invisible, I must not be seen, I must stay small. I have caused so much suffering to my family and my tribe. I must hide my medicine.’

I am taken to embrace the spirit of this ancient self. I forgive this Self as there is nothing I feel that needs forgiving. We hold one another in love and I am given a blade made of bronze to cut the ivy that is binding this oath to me. We merge into one.

I make a new vow now as myself:

‘I Mandy am Seer and Healer. I now choose to allow my medicine to flow through me again. I find courage when I am afraid. I nourish those around me with my words. It is safe to stay connected, and my gift in doing so allows others to come back into connection also’.

I am aware of a huge swan standing behind me, her wings are encircling me and her body is pressed against mine, with her beak at the back of my neck. She gives me a feather and gently brushes me with it."

Mandy Adams, 2016

Thank you Mandy for sharing your story and the work of your heart and lineage at www.mandyadams.uk and Red Tent Cornwall.

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Mandy Adams

Clearing the Fear to Shine

Clearing the Fear to Shine

Swan Lore Story of the Jeweller

How often do we allow ourselves to not only be seen but to truly shine? What beliefs do we hold about standing out or being unique and different? Through my work with Swan Lore sessions and ancestral beliefs, I have seen that many people often shield or veil their light so that they don’t offend others or attract jealousy or believe it will bring dangerous attention. In previous times perhaps this was true but I am happy to see that society is gradually changing and we are becoming much more acceptable of many different expressions of beauty.

Today I share the Swan Lore story of Camille and her past life memory of a child's love of adornment and exquisite jewellery that became tainted and damaged and led to a fear of shining too brightly or not being worthy to wear beauty. It should come as no surprise that my relationship to the artist Vali Myers, led Camille to me - Vali is a huge inspiration for Camille and she was the queen of adornment. When I had the pleasure of getting ready to go out with Vali I used to laugh and think of Coco Chanel who said: 'Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off' - Vali used to do the exact opposite. She was always adding a flower in her hair, another ring, a scarf... I loved her for this because she taught me that we must dress to please only ourselves. Vali was also one of the only women I ever met who could truly meet her reflection in the mirror and flirt with herself. Oh, and Vali's jewels were legendary and absolutely they were magical talismans.

And how did we forget the magic and power of a jewel - made from crystals and metals from deep in the earth and worn against our body every day?

Camille's Swan story brings so much happiness to me because her jewels are otherworldly and full of magic and are the perfect reflection of her heart.

SWAN LORE STORY:

"I’m a jewelry designer, and this is the story of how Julia and her Swan Lore session made my wildest dreams possible.

A few years ago, I was working a soul-sucking corporate job and I realized that if I wore all my colorful vintage necklaces to work, I was happy despite sitting in a depressing office doing mindless tasks among old guys in grey suits.

My adornments were my magical talismans against that dreary world - brightening each boring day, keeping me upbeat, reminding me that I too was brighter than my surroundings and inspiring me to get out of there. So I went after my dream job.

When I walked into Harper’s Bazaar on my very first day of work, I was more than a little nervous but I looked down at my colorful necklaces and smiled – I was bright, I was bold, I could do this. And the next year, when I had to go to a friend’s birthday party a few days after getting laid off, I got decked out in all of my necklaces and finally felt ready to leave my sofa and face the world. I desperately wanted share this magic with other women by designing my own necklaces – more wonderfully vibrant and enormous and colorful than any pieces I could find in stores – full on glorious, powerful talismans. But soon I started to doubt myself. “Who would actually wear something this bright and colorful?” I worried, “This is too much, no one else will actually like this, this is too weird.” So eventually I toned down my vision and spent the next few years designing simpler, smaller, more “normal” necklaces that I thought would sell.

Happiness and inspiration and color drained from my life.

Around this time, I came across Julia on Instagram and I immediately wanted to do a Swan Lore session to see my previous lives, but since I live in New York City and she’s in Australia, I told myself it was something for the future - I thought that doing it online wouldn’t be as “effective” as doing it in-person. But a few weeks ago, I knew, somehow deep inside, that it was time, despite being halfway across the world, despite being busy with life, despite thinking “who am I to do this?” and despite being scared of what I might see.

The moment I connected with Julia over Skype, I felt like I was sitting right across from Julia in her beautiful, peaceful forest home. Her ancient knowledge, deep wisdom and magic shone right through my laptop screen and the city noises outside my window disappeared.

She pulled two tarot cards for me and each hit at the very heart of what I was going through. The Seven of Earth showed that I was beginning to plant new seeds, zeroing in on my true vision. The Shaman card spoke to my power, that I always knew I had deep inside, to share the incredible magic of adornment. I was very nervous and also very excited, because it was actually happening, Julia was going to take me hundreds of years back.

She began guiding me into the journey, telling me of all the grandmothers who were there next to me supporting me, and I saw them and I knew that they had always been there for me. Next Julia guided me through a forest with sun filtering through the tallest trees and I felt the dirt beneath my feet and my arms open in awe as I walked upon the earth, looking up at the dazzling branches so high they seemed to go on forever.

Julia led me to the water, and I looked in and saw my own face, and then looked deeper and saw another woman who was so unlike anyone I had expected to see when imagining what this journey would be like (real life is always so much more beautiful than we ever imagine!). She had cloudy blue eyes, she was blind, and her light brown hair was dry and shorn, like someone who didn’t care had cut it off in chunks with a pair of old, rusty scissors. Her clothes were dirty and ripped, but her face was still pure and she was smiling sincerely, and though she was blind, her eyes were seeing and deep – like gorgeous opals. She was so happy to see me, she had been waiting.

This woman who I knew now was me in a past life, was so light and joyful despite the state she was in….She led me through to her world, as Julia guided me, always asking what I saw, and whenever I wasn’t sure, Julia gently helped me look in a way that I could see - so really, there is no way to “not get” or “mess up” this journey as I had feared! We were in Cornwall, England, in the medieval times.

The woman was now a young, eager girl, her light brown hair shining and her face full of freckles, smiling so wide. She was happy and energetic, the spirit of a wild, curious girl, as she pulled me by the hand through a bustling market, full of vendors and the glory of daily life. She was at home here, this was her happy place where she went every day. She was so excited to show me everything there that she loved and I knew the vendors and people there loved her too.

I recognized this feeling as the same excited feeling I had when hunting through my favorite vintage and antique markets for bright treasures for my necklaces, bonding with vendors over the shared love of some incredible pendant, and spending hours just wondering and seeing beautiful things. A Sunday at the market had always spoken to my soul more than any yoga class or other “spiritual” activity, but I had forgotten that…

Next, the girl showed me where she lived, which I immediately knew was a sadder place for her than the market – a light colored stone house with a thatched roof on top of a sloping green hill at the edge of the forest. She lived with her brother, who was only a few years older but who cared for her – her parents were dead. They had been killed in a fire after she accidentally left the stove burning. Everyone told her she was careless and she believed them and blamed herself for their deaths.

Yet her happiness was so strong it still shone through despite this. She would gather bright red berries from the bushes at the edge of the forest, squishing them in her hands and painting her face and running around laughing in the sun with wild abandon, full of so much energy. Watching her, I realized that this was her gift – using vibrant adornment to bring out happiness and joy and inspiration and life.

But then Julia guided me to see this girl when she was a few years older. She was sullen and quiet now, the perfect picture of obedience. Her hair was pulled back, her hands were behind her back, her apron was tied on perfectly over her dress, her eyes gazing down - all the color and life was gone from her face. Her brother and other adults hadn’t seen her gift of joyful, wild adornment as a gift at all – they thought it was simply a silly child’s game and that it was time for her to get serious and do more important things. She automatically believed them – they were adults so they had to be right, right? She was very careful to not be too loud, too outgoing, too wild, too much. She began selling apples in the marketplace every day, the same place that had once brought her so much joy.

She stood silent at the edge of the market in her plain clothes and bare face, looking down at the basket of apples at her feet. She felt so self-concious and small, like she was nothing and so she was and every shopper passed her by, making her feel even more inadequate. Often, her eyes filled with tears.

But there was one thing that made her happy and brought her back to life – a gorgeous, shining gold locket that she secretly wore around her neck under her dress. She would reach up to hold it whenever she felt down and it would bring her so much hope and joy.

“Where did she get the locket?” Julia asked me, and I knew at once that she had stolen it…I saw her opening a wooden drawer, eyes lighting up at the sight of this necklace, like a starving person who finally sees food.

Now I saw her standing at the top of a hill, holding the locket up to the sky, her beautiful treasure, and there were storm clouds in the distance and a band of men wearing black hooded capes approaching her. They were coming for her and she knew it. The leader of the men was chubby and pale with small eyes, a dumb bully. He was laughing at her, giddy in his power over this beautiful girl who would never notice him otherwise. He smiled and said “this is what you get pretty little girl for stealing beautiful things, now you’ll never be able to see beauty and steal it again!” And he laughed more as he slashed her face, blinding her, and the mob of men descended, kicking her, joyful in this act that was just a game for them, their daily amusement, as she curled up in the dust.

The girl was too ashamed and embarrassed to return home to ask her brother for help, so she went to the forest. The trees comforted her and took her in and taught her, she learned their ways and the ways of the glorious plants. She loved her solitude in this forest, where she could finally relax and be herself, and she lived there alone for the rest of her life. I saw her now as an old woman, laying beneath her favorite tree, her tree, arms wide open to the sky, smiling so much and so sincerely and peacefully, happy at the end of her life despite all she had been through. And that is how she died.

Julia now led me back to the water, and I saw that these past experiences had made me doubt the power of colorful, bright adornment and hide my gifts because I was scared of not fitting in, of being mocked, of being judged by my family and others, and being harmed.

I didn’t think it was safe to be myself.

All of these fears had festered in my soul for centuries, creating an iron rope tied around my chest and knotted right over my heart. I immediately recognized this rope and knew it was real – whenever I was designing, I had trouble breathing and literally had to force myself to inhale and exhale. I thought I was just anxious and stressed, or maybe that I drank too much coffee. A water maiden held out a tool for me to use to cut off this rope, and Julia told me that I had created it so I could remove it too. The second I cut into it, it just disappeared, as if it was nothing at all…

I embraced my old self and we smiled at each other – I forgave her for stealing, for thinking she had to be “normal” and “fit in”, for being ashamed of her true self, and I understood why she did it all – society back then (and sadly, sometimes even in our modern society today) saw colorful and fun adornment as inappropriate and frivolous. I realized that her brother was only doing what he thought was best for her, trying to direct her life in a way that he thought would keep her safe.

Now the grandmothers were all around me, singing of my gifts to me – my gift of creating and sharing magical, powerful adornments, the gift that I had doubted was important or even real…and then Julia led me gently back to my apartment and I opened my eyes.

I tried to take off my rings before going to sleep, but they wouldn’t budge – my fingers were swollen like after a long flight. I really had traveled a long way.

The next morning I woke up and began creating the glorious necklaces that I had been dying to share for many centuries and many lifetimes. I know now that it’s true – that what we wear can change our mood, our day, our life, and when we adorn ourselves with all that is colorful, unique, vibrant and wild, we smile more, we have more energy, we remember our own bold power and stay true to our own beautiful unique selves. We’re inspired to share all our colors with the world and go after our wildest dreams.

I am so happy to finally be free of my old fears that kept me quiet and small for so long, and when my old doubts resurface or life gets me down, I know how to lift myself up and re-ignite my joy – I put on one of these talismans. Wear yours every day, you never need to tone yourself down, you are never too much, too bright, too big, too bold, too colorful – you can be your full on, shimmering self every moment of your life, and just smile at anyone who thinks otherwise, because they are the ones who need color most of all.

I am so grateful to Julia and her Swan Lore work, she gave me back my life, my freedom, my happiness. If you feel as if something is holding you back, reach out to her and go on your journey – your true self is waiting for you and Julia will guide you there so safely and gently."

Love, Camille

Thank you Camille for sharing your personal story and folklore of the talisman. I'm so happy that you are shining and creating again. Below is a beautiful necklace that Camille created in dedication to her love for Vali Myers. It's called the Vali necklace and in real life is so beautiful and huge like a jewelled shield for the heart - not to hide but to illuminate even more brightly.

Camille’s Flowers

Vow to Keep the Healer a Secret

Stag Woman by Alice Savage created for Sacred Familiar

The Deer and Vow to Keep the Healer A Secret

Swan Lore Story

The link between the deer and women and ancestral wisdom is huge. I have this confirmed to me again and again when I sit in journeying circles with women all over the world and wrote about healing with Deer in a piece I called She Wears the Crown. Recently I have begun holding Swan Lore sessions: called The Animal Wife that explore the ancestral stories held in our spirits from lifetimes of our own lineage and also past lives to see where and how we lost connection to our natural abilities to connect to the earth and to heal. In the Animal Wife sessions we recover and reclaim our 'animal soulskin' the instinctive and wild gifts of nature. Like the Selkie seal woman who had to forfeit her sealskin (soulskin) and gifts to live amongst humans I believe we have also become divorced from our natural animal instincts due patriarchy and institutionalisation. We have been forced to obey man made laws over the natural Lore of the land and her plants and her people.

Again and again as I journey beside women as they recover their ancestral stories, the Deer makes herself known and when she is recovered such a feeling of gentle wisdom and intuition is gifted back to the us. Through my own connection to the Deer I have met talented artists and healers, such as Alice Savage who drew this incredible drawing above after being inspired by a doll that I had created for my own healing when I moved to Sherbrooke Forest 4 years ago. The doll now lives with Alice and I this drawing now lives in my home. I called her Stag Woman because I felt she helped me to bridge and create symbiosis between my feminine and masculine traits and natures and to heal my fears of living in the forest again and sharing Swan Blessing in a world that still struggles to make peace with the purity and wisdom of the witch, the healer and the seer. I am only realising now, years later that in creating the Swan Lore sessions to recover the Soulskin of our personal animal ally and spirit marriage, that she was my first introduction to the Animal Wife.

Today I share Gemma-Kate's personal Swan Lore story of a lifetime where she had to make a vow to keep the gifts of her lineage and her Grandmothers a secret. She had to hide her ability as a healer, the one gift that made her most proud had to become her deepest hidden part of herself. When we hide our greatest treasure it can sometimes create such a fracture in our spirit that we almost split into two personalities. We sometimes become the warrior in the world to protect what is the most vulnerable - our own spirit. When I met Gemma-Kate I recognised her as one of 'Vali's Daughters' another wild and beautiful woman touched by the magic of Australian artist, Vali Myers. I could see Gemma-Kate's power and strength and she told me how she was a veterinarian nurse and animal rescuer who had to step away from working in conventional ways and institutions with animals because something older and deeper told her that some of the practices used there were harming the animals instead of healing them. I saw this was a huge wound for her and I could also see the enormous amount of wisdom and healing abilities within her. I was honoured when she contacted me to tell me she was ready to journey with the Swan.

Swan Lore Journey:

"I look towards the edge of the clearing, where the trees begin. Grazing at the edge of the grass is a deer. A doe. She looks up at me, and she ‘sees’ me. We exchange a long gaze. She is my guide. She is my medicine. She is so gentle, and I realise it is her I fiercely protect in life. She is what I am tough, brave and strong for. I realise how much I have pushed her away.”

"I am taken to a waterfall. There is dappled sunlight bouncing off the lush greenery. Butterflies flutter in the grass. I journey through the water, through the veil of water, and find myself in a dark cave. There is a pool of water in a natural basin. I look into the water, and find looking back at me, an old woman. Her hair is white, her skin deeply wrinkled with years of emotions, and pale, no longer showing the flush of youth. Her eyes. Her eyes!! They are the palest blue, like topaz. They tell a thousand stories and are full of sorrow. I feel she is me. I look up into the cave and now see a dwelling. A woman’s dwelling within the cave. A secret hideaway. Her secret hideaway. My secret hideaway.

I am led into the forest. I know this place. It already exists in my mind. I walk towards a clearing. A place where we sung and danced and celebrated. I leave the forest, and head to my home nearby. I live here with my sisters. I am the eldest. I am 42. I have been the parent. Our parents have been taken. I am a spinster because of this, and I hide many secrets. Secrets I only share with my sisters. We keep herbs of all kinds. We are healers.

I am taken to another time in the same place. I am much younger. Only a girl. I am playing in the long grasses on the fringe of the forest, where the grass is thick from plenty of sunlight. My sisters and I hear the horses coming, and we are very close to the road leading to the small cluster of houses. We are hidden well, and we can see they are soldiers. They have come to take people. There is talk from the townsfolk about the group of people in these dwellings. They have come to punish us for our old ways. My family are safe. This time at least. We all make a vow to keep secret our gift, and our knowledge. I feel shameful.

I now find myself back in the cave with the woman. I realise now her sorrow. She has lived a life predominantly in solitude, the only place her secrets are safe. She receives comfort from the plants and animals, and they her. I feel a tight force, a weight, binding my chest, restricting my breath. I see white rags binding me. They look like sacred cloth from the religion that has destroyed the ways of life of my people. I notice the sensation that the cloth is loosening. The old woman is using her mind to release the rags. She only needs her mind, because these rags represent our sacred vow. She is releasing me from the ties that bind me. She is taking away my shame. She is telling me it is safe now. I am feeling so much emotion now. I have been crying throughout, but now I feel it in my chest and throat, where the cloths had once been. I am released, I have freedom, and I am led to waters at the bottom of the waterfall. I bathe in the waters. I am now healed.

I am now on the edge of the water, and I feel the swan embrace me. Her huge, warm, loving wings engulf me. I feel so much love. I feel white and yellow. We fly, but I notice little. I am surrounded by light. Then we are walking. I am grounded. I am aware. We are walking in my forest, toward the clearing, for this is a celebration. The sun is shining bright and the air is crisp. There are many small creatures here, there always is. I look towards the edge of the clearing, where the trees begin. Grazing at the edge of the grass is a deer. A doe. She looks up at me, and she ‘sees’ me. We exchange a long gaze. She is my guide. She is my medicine. She is so gentle, and I realise it is her I fiercely protect in life. She is what I am tough, brave and strong for. I realise how much I have pushed her away.

I am now asked to repeat something three times. I am so emotional that I am having trouble forming words. So emotional that the exact words evade me. What I feel as I repeat this sentence, this new vow, is that I no longer need to hide the person I am, the gifts that were given to me as a woman. I can be true. I can follow my path as intended, and most importantly, share my gift to others."

Gemma-Kate

I was so thrilled this week to see Gemma-Kate in a new state of beauty, transformation and vulnerability. She had cut off all of her hair and was wearing colours I had never seen before. She looked like a beautiful butterfly with the wise eyes of the magical and gentle doe. I felt that I was seeing Gemma-Kate's spirit in it's true form - no longer split but embracing her strength and vulnerability at the same time. She also told me that she is now actively sharing and opening her heart to her healing gifts again. I look forward to seeing her magic I've got a feeling it will be big. Thank you Gemma-Kate for showing us your Deer heart and sharing your story here.

I am Safe to Share My Grandmother's Teachings

The Wood Witch by Nadia Turner

I am Safe to Share My Grandmother’s Teachings

Swan Lore Story

Today at the full moon eclipse in Leo I share with you the Swan Lore story of the vow to close down a Grandmother's teachings. This is the swan story received by artist and tattooist, Victoria Rose on Mt Tamborine in Queensland. It was also the very first Swan Blessing session that I held in Australia after journeying through the lands of England, Ireland and Scotland leaving dolls for the forgotten and interviewing the guardians and keepers of sacred sites dedicated to the women's mysteries and healing.

Victoria Rose and I had had interactions with each other for just over a year and I could feel that she wanted to journey to clear and unblock her own healer's story but that there was also a lot of resistance. This is completely understandable when we think about the centuries of persecution of women's medicine and wise ways. I understood the trepidation but let Victoria Rose know that the journey we make with the Swan is always a gentle and loving one. This is her gift to the women - to hold them with great strength and softness as they journey back to heal the fragmented story. We have been through enough trauma, we do not need to experience it again to heal it. We already know the pain, we have been journeying for lifetimes with memories in our DNA from our lineages and grandmothers, we may have memory of past lives and we are also sometimes carrying the collective memory or story of what has happened to the healers, herbalists and witches of the past.

This can lead us to believe that it's still not safe to share all of our gifts with an open heart and freedom again but I believe the planet needs the people of the earth who are connected to nature and her healing ways more than ever. And the important thing to remember is that we are living in different times and we have so much more support and wisdom opening up again to be shared with love.

We share these stories because they are all our stories. These are part of the ancestral folklore of women's medicine and wise ways and I hope they bring understanding to anyone who needs them. By releasing the stories of how the wise ways were closed down we create space to write and create new ancestral folklore stories for ourselves, our ancestors and the daughters to come.

Victoria Rose told me after her journey that this was a lifetime and story that she had journeyed to previously but had not been able to heal and complete the teachings. And so instead of empowering her it still frightened her. I believe it's so very important to come to resolution and healing with our journeys and I was honoured to hold space for this beautiful young artist to reach this resolution with the Swan.

I am healed, I am safe and I will serve as my Grandmother taught me

"I'm in a cave with a deep pool of water. As I look into the reflection, I see a woman. Her hair is dark and her eyes are wild with fear and confusion. This woman is me. I have heavy gold collars hanging from my neck down my chest with a long robe underneath. In a large stone temple, I'm there as a servant to the elites. I'm alone.

How did I get there?

In a beautiful valley. Mountains in the distance, woodlands open out to grass plains. It was here that I learnt the healing arts from my grandmother. This is my home. We provided a service to the community. I was at peace an very happy being connected to the land and my people. I do not want for anything.

One day the authorities turn up at our doorsteps and ask if I would go work in the temple. I refuse. They return and remove me by force. It was in the days after this that I promised I would not use my abilities ever again. This vow did not change what was to come. 

I am back in the cave now. The lady of the sacred well is with me. I can feel a heavy helmet over my head sitting on my shoulders. The lady uses a tool and breaks it open. I am free from this bond and she takes me into the pool. In the healing waters I am scrubbed clean by the Spirit Grandmothers. 

Out of the pool now the Swan has come to take me high in the sky. We are journeying to the Sun. I have gold antlers. Inside the Sun, I'm filled with light and all trauma is burnt away.

The Swan takes me back down to earth. It is time now for me to release the vows I had once spoken. I must say three things.

I am Healed.

I am Safe.

As I try to make my last statement, tears start choking, electricity shoots through me and I am convulsing. 

Finally I say, "I will serve as my Grandmother taught me".

As I drive home I take a different route down the mountain. I pass black swans beside a pond. 

Thank you Julia for this journey. Throughout I felt held in truth and honoured. I felt like I was understood and respected. I'm forever changed and have started to integrate parts of myself I had lost. It is an amazing gift you have given me. 

Forever grateful to you and the Swan."

Victoria Rose

Artemis by Victoria Rose Tattoo

I am grateful to Victoria Rose for facing her fears and healing this story. She has also courageously shared her story to help anyone who may have similar memories. If you would like to see Victoria Rose's beautiful artistry and tattooing this is a link to her Instagram page. I think it's important for us to have artists working on our body that carry magic and healing. I know that many feel that tattooing is also a new way to re-write our ancestral folklore and to break through old laws stopping free expression. Many of us have memory of sacred markings and sigils on our bodies and the bodies of our grandmothers. Embracing tattooing again is like stepping over another threshold into freedom to adorn our bodies as we please and in a ceremonial way again.

Thank you to Nadia Turner who has allowed us to share her beautiful art

Vow of the Priestess to Separate Body from Spirit

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"I am naked under the gaze and protection of the stars. I am stargazing, star bathing, star being. Filled with the light, and energy and knowing of the stars. They move into me, touching me, illuminating me and the map, the mystery, the way, connecting me to my story, my songs, my dance, my medicine. As my blood returns to source, source fills me in return, with the dreaming and visions that will hold me during my growth, my woman years. I am star clan, star dreamer and star weaver."

I'm always honoured to sit with people in their ancestral journeys in Swan Blessing sessions. I am not only holding space, I am listening intently, learning, travelling with and being taught about the ancient ways of each ancestral lineage. Because not only is ancestral clearing about releasing vows and beliefs the biggest gift and point to the work is to see and remember times when our ancestors lived in great connection to the earth and where respect for her cycles was woven into everything they did. Living life as a ceremony. I had the pleasure of sharing such a journey with Sarah who came to clear a vow, a memory in her lineage of a lifetime as a a priestess living in this beautiful way and then witnessing the destruction of this time of sacred living. A vow so strong that it created a separation between body and spirit. Her journey took her back to her most ancient of ancestors, the star clans, the star grandmothers and she was reminded of that she will always be a child of the stars, she will always have ways of finding her way home. When Sarah came out of her journey she looked up at the painting you see above, an original artwork by artist and fellow forest-dweller, Nadia Turner that hangs in our healing space as quiet guardian and was amazed to recognise her from her own journey and ancestral lineage.

"In the clearing we gather. In the clearing we work, laugh, play and connect to source, to her. The earth underneath our bare feet is soft, cushioned by leaf fall from the tall trees that guard our homes, which lie on the flat stone plateau. The trees are known to us. We listen to them, talk to them, understand their wisdom and offerings. We are in constant exchange with them, air, shelter, shade, fruit, and our own prayers and tending in return. 

I move through time, through the ages watching myself in this place of sacred connection. As a child I walk with my father through the forest, listening to his songs and chants. He takes me to the place where the grandmothers dwell so that I may learn from them. Learn about the plants, the herbs, their gifts, protections and poisons. Life and death are close allies too.

At my first blood I am taken by the women to the bleeding place, and then left. They leave me to journey here alone with the trees and the stars. I am naked under the gaze and protection of the stars. I am stargazing, star bathing, star being. Filled with the light, and energy and knowing of the stars. They move into me, touching me, illuminating me and the map, the mystery, the way, connecting me to my story, my songs, my dance, my medicine. As my blood returns to source, source fills me in return, with the dreaming and visions that will hold me during my growth, my woman years. I am star clan, star dreamer and star weaver.

Older, much older now. I am sitting in the cave of the Grandmothers, feeling the warmth of their wisdom and knowing. They are deep in the belly of the cave, while I sit at the entrance, with my fire and a pot filled with leaves. Smoke from the fire merges with the potent steam from the pot, the small clay pot that was once my mothers, and hers before her. Another woman is with me, inhaling the scent, and the healing of the steam. The spirits speak to her through smoke, cleansing and healing. I hold her hands .

We are not such a large group, 50 or so people living here with the trees, the plants, the forest animals, and with earth, water, fire, and air. We are strong in our bonds to each other, and other local clans. We are strong in our connection to source. We have lived like this for a long time, a long time. We know how to listen.

But my listening troubles me now. I hear a noise in the forest that I do not know, I sense fear in the animals, and even the trees. I ask the grandmothers. The Grandmothers see a time of pain, a time of estrangement and loss. A loss greater than we have ever known, but they seem to wait for it. I am upset and angry, even though they reassure me that we will remember, that the stars will call us home again. But when and how and what is coming?

I know soon enough. Soon enough I see them coming on horseback, coming with a ferocity we have not experienced. Hooves pounding, earth and dust flying, shouts and screams from them and us mingle into a horrifying scream. They come only to destroy, There is no regard for our rules, our ways, they come to trample and burn. Fire our ally, is turned against us, and they on horseback ride through our homes, alighting everything that will burn. Trees, ancient trees burn with my people, burn with the animals and the bodies of the young, the old, the all. Death is everywhere. Death is.

I am alone now, howling and grieving, and raging, and lost. I am a survivor only by there doing, one to witness the destruction, and to tell of their victory, their ways, their story. I will not tell their story, I will not tell their story and I will not priestess again. I will not. Not now, not ever. The temple of our lives is gone, the wisdom and knowing is gone and although my body lives on, my spirit is gone too. 

How long did I wander in the wilderness, scraping an existence, scraping something called life together? I wanted death, I wanted destruction but I was alive . Seven years passed before I saw daughters again, before I saw daughters of another clan, sowing seeds, preparing what they knew. I should have been overjoyed, I should have helped them, But I was not and I did not. I was not going to help create that which could so easily be destroyed again. I had made my vow, and I would keep it. I cut myself off from the wisdom that remained in the trees, the earth, the water, the fire and the stars. I even turned my back on the stars. And this turning away from, this cutting off from has been so very painful. In this life I have sought to reconnect with the source of all, to be held in the deep embrace of the earth mother, to refind myself as an earthling, a wild one, she who knows…and yet I have stumbled through the pain and separation of activism to the joy of my embodied dance work, but still I have been caught in the illusion of separation, still disembodied.  My work with the school of Shamanic Womancraft was a deep resurgence of all that I knew, and all that I had to trust. It was a huge part of my healing, and still I stumbled to trust my medicine, to trust my gifts. 

So this is my story. And through the swan blessing I realised that the vow I had made meant that I had cut myself off from my people, my ancestry, my knowing. I had separated body and spirit. I had in fact chosen to live the story of the oppressor, separating myself from source, just as they said was true. This story of separation is with us now, embedded in the culture in which we live today , and for many years I have been trying to reclaim a way home, to my body, and the body of earth, to integration with and to source. 

And although I went looking for my medicine instread and for me more profoundly I found a way home, a way back to my clan, my heritage, to source. After releasing my bindings and my vow, the grandmothers welcomed me home. They sang me and carried me home. They had never left, it was I who had left them. But now I am home, singing myself, dancing myself, trusting myself that my medicine is a home coming, a return to earth/star/body/spirit. And the messages keep coming, the grandmothers, the animals, the spirits are guiding me.

Towards the end of the swan blessing, I saw a star clan sister on the wall, and in front of me. I was staggered to see a woman from my vision there in a painting. Deep bow to the mystery. My work now is to continue to remember, to reclaim my heritage and to listen again to the wisdom of the heavens and the earth. I have had many beautiful conversations with the earth since then. A spontaneous swim with dolphins in the sea, visits by birds, feathers and of course the stars. My work now is to listen again to the songs of the trees, the earth and my people, to deepen my connection to my clan and this blessed earth. 

I am home."  Sarah 2016 

Thank you Sarah for sharing your Swan story here with us, your words are a poem to remind us all of how we used to live and how to recreate this sacred life again. You can explore Sarah's beautiful offerings of circles embodying the women's mysteries and earth wisdom through dance and movement at Embodiments Dance - Sarah Miller

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Veil Nebula

Swan Blessing Story - the Wisdom of Listening

Today at this full moon lunar eclipse, I share Sharon's Swan Blessing ancestral medicine story of being the 'listener' in her tribe. In our circles and communities so many different skills are needed and the gentle and compassionate ones, the listeners, can teach so much about hearing each other and listening to the earth. Sharon also told me how she was planning to move away, to begin a whole new time in her life but found it very hard to leave her son to follow her heart even though he was an adult and happy in his life - something held her back.

"I never saw myself as a healer.  I felt I had no special gifts. My Swan Blessing past life session showed me that it does not need to be complicated and I do not need to judge my gifts.  That sometimes the most simple things like listening, understanding and compassion, can be the most powerful healing of all."

"I knew today would be a very special day for me.  I did not know how … I just knew. Though I was still unsure if I was capable of receiving the gifts of balance and connection I wished for.  I mean, I had only journeyed once before and visualisation is not one of my strengths.  I had nothing to fear or doubt, as Julia guided me every step of the way with her beautiful, calming voice … all the while wrapped in the beautiful wings of Swan.

Still unsure if I would be able to journey to find answers or vows from my past, I closed my eyes as Julia guided me into a beautiful forest … the forest of my heart.  I felt so safe and loved.  I was guided to a beautiful waterfall, behind of which was a large calm pool.  There was a face slowly coming to the surface.  She was a beautiful elder in her late 60’s with flowing grey hair and ice blue eyes, which looked straight into mine and through to my heart.  This was me!

I saw her in her homeland.  The land was flat for miles around, with many mountains in the distance, and she was sitting near a river.  She was talking to the river, asking it to take away that which she no longer needed.  She sat there for a long while … they understood each other, the river and her.  She was well loved by her tribe and others came to her often for guidance and healing.  She would hold both their hands and listen to their fears, problems and concerns.  She took their fears and replaced them with her gentle, loving energy.  She then went down to the river, to let everything go, so that they and she would be at peace once more.  This was healing at its most simple … but also most powerful.

Julia took me back further, to where this beautiful woman (me) was a child and walked me through different stages of her life until she went back to spirit.  She was a happy little girl, who spent many hours with her loving grandmother, who passed on her unconditional love and wisdom.  Her grandmother made her a little doll, which she took everywhere with her.  As she grew, her girlfriends used to make fun of her for still taking her doll with her everywhere.  It didn’t matter though, because her doll held her medicine and they would never be apart.  She became the mother of a beautiful baby boy.  Their bond was so strong and she felt like her heart would burst with love for him.  He grew into a wonderful young man and she was asked by the Chief of the tribe to make a vow/decision.  A decision to let her son go.  To let him go and fight for their tribe.  Her faith was strong and she agreed.  Her beloved son was killed, defending one of his friends during the fighting.  She never saw him alive again.  She became withdrawn and went to live in a cave, away from the tribe and the many memories there.  Her heart was broken.  She still had her doll, but it was in the corner of the cave … it no longer was by her side.  One day she took her doll to the river and let it go.  As she watched the river take it away, she felt totally lost.  Her life had no purpose and she returned to the cave for many years.  She did move back to the tribe, using the wisdom from her pain and grief to assist others.  Once again she held both their hands and spoke gently to their heart, while looking into their eyes.  While surrounded by her tribe, she passed to the spirit world … still with a broken heart and the guilt that caused it.

Julia took me back to the pool, where I held this beautiful grey haired woman with the broken heart.  The one who looked at me with such love and such sadness.  I held her so tight and felt the grief that consumed her.  I told her that she could not have prevented her son’s death, that it was his journey and his alone.  That her faith and her medicine was not the cause of his death.  That I would take away her sadness, her guilt and her grief … that she was free.  Her sadness, guilt and grief wrapped itself around my chest in the shape of barbed wire.  But I was strong … I knew that I could release myself from this, which in turn would release the beautiful grey haired woman … the woman that was me.  The Water Witch from the pond reached up and gave me a pair of cutters.  I could do this … I could release this once and for all.  I cut the wire that surrounded my chest, that wire which held me back from healing and loving once more.  It quickly unspun … disintergrating, along with all the grief, guilt and pain.  She was free … we were free … I was free!  She saw her grandmother and her son walking towards her.  Last I saw her, she was walking hand in hand with them.  Spirit never dies.

As I spoke with Julia, after an amazing healing from my grandmothers, my Goddess, my grandfathers, my animal totems and guides, my angels, ancestors and elders … I saw areas of my life where this vow/decision had showed up.  I have the most amazing son, whom I adore and who lives in Tasmania.  I also have a wonderful partner, who lives in SW Queensland.  I have struggled over the last 6 to 12 months, to decide if I move to be with my son or follow my heart to be with my partner.  It was this fear of letting my son go and trusting that no harm would come to him that was holding me back.  Was I going to make the wrong decision?  Trying to make that decision continued to cause me heartache, grief and guilt.  I love my son more than life itself and have always bought him up to live his own life … to do what is right for him.  However, I was unable to apply this to myself.  After my session with Julia I knew that it was time for me to love myself and trust that the move to be with the man I love is right.  And to trust that my son is living his own unique journey.

Last night, I was drawn to become the keeper of Julia's Butterfly Sister Witch Medicine Doll.  Despite her being the most beautiful doll, there was something about her that embodied so many of my loves and my fears.  Butterfly Sister is my connection … she is my little doll who I let go down the river … she has come back to me.  No longer am I lost … I am home.

I never saw myself as a healer.  I felt I had no special gifts.  My Swan Blessing past life session showed me that it does not need to be complicated and I do not need to judge my gifts.  That sometimes the most simple things like listening, understanding and compassion, can be the most powerful healing of all.

Thankyou just does not seem enough.  I knew today would be special.  What I didn’t know, was just how special or life changing it would be.  Still wrapped in the beautiful, loving arms of Swan."  Sharon, 2016

It was a pleasure and honour to journey with Sharon and I remembered as we journeyed that Sharon had also attended a medicine doll circle the year before. How beautiful to discover that the medicine of doll making had been with her all along. Here is a photograph of the doll Sharon made in the circle -  and a confirmation of the ancestral story that was yet to be remembered. I'm sure there will be many more medicine dolls to pass through the hands of 'the listener' in the future.

Swan Blessing Ancestral Ceremony and Doll Making Circle - 9th April, Melbourne (details)

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Adelina's Mariposa - Dia de los Muertos

Late last year I received a request from a beautiful Mexican family to create a medicine to hold the ashes of their beloved mother and grandmother, Adelina. I was very happy to create this doll for Daisy, Adelina's daughter who I had come to know through her sister-in-law, Dawn, another beautiful soul who has gifted us with many beaded Huichol treasures for our dolls over the last year. And so I knew that Daisy's dear mother was dying and how much this was a sacred time for her, how she took on the role as carer and wise guardian to walk her mother through the threshold of death and rebirth of her spirit. I was also honoured to be invited into this family and their beautiful Mexican ancestry and wisdom in honouring of the dead.

Yesterday it was my birthday and today in America where Daisy lives and Mexico where Adelina was born it is still February 15th. The link between birth and death is so strong, if felt like the right time to write this story.

I knew that one day, I would be asked to make a doll to such as this. But when it finally arrived I began to get nervous - what if this was too big a job for my skills? Could I really do this? I took this request on with love but also a lot of deep breathing. I don't have anyone around me to teach me to do this, I thought but then I've always felt the presence of my own grandmother and ancient grandmother spirits when I work and so I just had to trust that they would show me the way.

I wrapped the small parcel of ashes in softest merino wool and created a little altar with special blessed treasure that Daisy had sent to me. And still I waited to begin. I was waiting to feel really ready and strong to do this work that was so important to Adelina's family. The realisation of this importance made it even harder for me to begin. I kept making excuses and I had to admit that I was becoming less confident in my ability to do this well enough for her family. I was also finding it confronting to have someone's ashes, the remnants of their physical body sitting on my doll table. And I waited and waited...

One night I had a dream of running a little store selling all kinds of medicine tools and talismans. At the end of the day it was time to close up and as I was busy rushing around a small group of men dressed in white with embroidery on their shirts began to come and sit in a small circle in the middle of my shop. But I was busy, I had so many things to remember to do to make the shop run well and to close up properly. The men began to chant in a language that I didn't recognise. They began to sing medicine songs. Under a table I noticed a small package of bones. I was so drawn to what the medicine singers were doing and singing but I kept thinking that I didn't have time to stop, I had to lock up the shop.

When I woke up the next morning I knew that these men where either Adelina's ancestors or spirit singers guarding and watching over her and that they were getting frustrated with me for making myself busy with all of my other jobs and avoiding the deep medicine work of creating this doll for Adelina's family. I felt ashamed because they were right! I should have sat with them and listened to their songs, I realised the bones in the dream were a symbol of the sacred ashes I held on my table. I realised I could wait any longer to be ready or know more to begin - I just had to stop running around and start!

I began by making a medicine shawl from a piece of felt gifted to me that was hand dyed with seaweed. I started to see stars and cosmic spirals. I used fibres that were dyed with flowers and I started to feel more and more confident about my own role in being the hands for the grandmothers to do their work. Each night I kept seeing the vastness of the cosmos and I remembered a boulder opal that reminded me of this feeling that I had been keeping for a special doll. At the same time I received hand blown glass bones adorned with flowers and the doll began to form very quickly.

As she was forming in front of my eyes I began to feel such affection and love for Adelina and for her daughter Daisy for all of her trust. One night I worked very late until it was almost dawn. As I worked I felt the air become thick around me and I felt airy movements near my shoulders and arms and it felt like butterflies flying all around the room, all around me. I also heard a strong and clear message to 'look at the date'. I felt it was a message to look at the date of when Adelina had passed from this world and I looked and found a remembrance photo posted by Daisy. When I looked at this photo I couldn't believe it - Adelina and I shared the same birthday. She too had been born on February 15th. It was not the date of death that she wanted remembered by the date of birth. Rebirth! It felt like a big hug, like we were connected in this small way.

Each day I felt Adelina's urgency now to have this doll completed to be a source of comfort to her daughter. The last element was a Monarch butterfly placed on the doll's hand to honour the late night visitors to my doll workshop and perhaps one of Adelina's spirit animals. When I mentioned this to Dawn she said this was significant and that in Spanish the word for butterfly is Mariposa. I knew the medicine had her name now: Adelina's Mariposa - a light spirit to hold the ashes of this beloved mother and grandmother and guardian to watch over and guide her family through their grief and eventually to a place of peace.

After I had sent the doll carrying the sacred ashes across the oceans to be with Daisy where she belonged, I found a photo of Daisy taken beside the altars in Mexico celebrating ancestors on Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). I was stunned and happy to see that Daisy was wearing a Monarch Mariposa in her crown of flowers.

There really are no accidents. So many more weavings and synchronicities occurred during the making of this most sacred of medicine dolls, Adelina's Mariposa. I was changed after making this doll. I realised that this work is very precious to me and that I could do this work more. I also found that I was dedicating myself in a deeper way now to the practice of medicine doll making and to never forget that the ancestors are always watching, helping and if needed singing in our dreams.

Death is one of our biggest teachers. We cannot turn away or hide from this great mystery and yes it is confronting but also incredibly beautiful. I believe that death teaches us about what is truly important and how to love even more deeply. I send the deepest love and respect to Daisy and Dawn and their combined families. May this precious doll be an anchor to hold you through your grief and give you wings to lift your heart to love again. I thank Daisy for this honour and permission to share her story and for sharing the gentle and beautiful spirit of your mother, Adelina with us all. Happy birthday Adelina.

Swan Blessing Story - Healer's Vow to go Unseen

“No longer tarry in the in-between. In order to heal, you must be seen.” 

Today I share Lori's Swan story of the healer who vowed to go unseen. It's a story that I feel is a tale of remembering how innocent we all really are and how we were born this way. We have an ancient memory of women being punished for using ancestral medicine and healing. A memory and vow such as this can create a fear of our work being misunderstood and so we will find ways to only share our work between friends, only trusting those near and dear to us. We may find it very difficult to advertise our work or put it out in a public way. I find this very sad as it means many artists and healers don't share their gifts with the world. Under the name Swurlygirl, Lori shares the ancient medicine of the wool worker. I have had the pleasure of receiving some of Lori's hand-crafted woollen creations and these talismans are filled with such loving intention. Here is Lori's story of the how she opened the door to share her spirit-filled creations with others again.

Swan Blessing Story

"In 2007 I had been reunited, in a way, with the shamanic path. In all my studies and work, however, I’d always felt a deep fear that kept me closer to the edges of the path rather than walking confidently down the middle. This fear usually made itself known whenever I got closer or deeper into knowing myself - whenever there was talk of “knowing your medicine.”  I pushed onwards and tried to work through the fear. I became the assistant to a shamanic practitioner & teacher ~  however this fear was particularly strong and kept me from stepping any further in. In September 2012, during a shamanic journey to seek healing, I heard these words spoken to me:

“No longer tarry in the in-between. In order to heal, you must be seen.”

This gave me comfort and also terrified me at the same time.  I didn’t really know what to do next, so I kept the words inside, to unpack their medicine another day. That day came in July 2015, with the support of Julia & her Swan Blessing work.

As I listened to Julia’s voice gently directing me,  I came to a forest.  I recognized the land I was walking on ~ every tree and every blade of grass here. I had long golden hair and a long white dress on.  As I moved deeper into the forest, a deeper familiarity came to me as I saw the well and the waterfall.  I knew this place.

When I looked into the well, I saw Baba Yaga - An Cailleach, the wise crone looking back at me. As I looked into her eyes I could see all the faces of her - Her eyes were filled with warmth, looking into mine and I felt sadness and shame.  She took my hand in hers and told me she loved me and that she has always loved me.  Then she took me to where she lived - it was in a craggy paddock that I recognized from a shamanic journey I had done some years ago ~ hilly with bare stone showing through the grass in some parts.  There was a grove of trees beside us.  It was a warm, sunny day and a soft breeze was blowing.

She led me to a big black cauldron with a fire burning beneath it.  She was slowly stirring the cauldron and as she did so, she looked so powerful ~ like the embodiment of wisdom.  I looked into the cauldron and saw she was stirring a thick, dark liquid - like a resin of some kind - an amber coloured resin.  When I asked what the resin did, I felt a heaviness in my belly.  I then saw a woman coming up the hill to see the old crone ~ as she came closer into view, I saw that she was heavily pregnant and was wearing no clothing.  The woman came closer to the cauldron. She was afraid and kept looking over her shoulder that no one should see her there.  The crone took a cup, ladled some of the amber liquid into it and gave it to the woman to drink.  I then saw the woman was no longer pregnant and was a different person living an entirely different life.  Another woman came up the hill - an older woman this time and the amber liquid made her young again. I was shown where the crone slept and lived -  in a small room in a cottage in that forest.  Her bedroom was sparse with a cot, a small dresser and a window that looked out to the forest.  She lived there completely alone ~ no animals, no people, completely quiet.

I then saw the crone as a little girl of 5, with white-blond hair— in a similar woods ~ chasing after butterflies, laughing as she ran.  The animals in the forest - birds, deer ~ all playing with her.  She felt connected to everything and felt known to everything around her. There was no fear.  She understood the language of the world around her and the world understood her.  She  was so deeply happy and innocent.  She lived in a  little house made of stone & timber - she lived there with her grandparents.  When she ran into the house, both her grandfather & grandmother greeted her warmly.  The grandfather was standing at the big wooden table in the kitchen and was preparing vegetables and plants.  The grandmother was sitting across from the table in a big wooden armchair.  She was working some fine handwork embroidery into linen.  They both felt familiar to me - when I looked into their faces I recognized them as the people who had been my Baba & Geja (grandmother & grandfather) in my present lifetime.  My grandmother taught me the handwork and my grandfather taught me the plant work - together they made a talisman from the plants and the embroidered cloth.

The girl’s parents were not here.   I was then shown who they were.  I didn’t recognize the man who was the father, but when I looked into the eyes of the woman who was the mother,  I recognized them to be the eyes of someone I had known in my present lifetime, but am no longer in contact with.  The girl was being raised by her grandparents and taught their ways.

I was then shown the girl at 16.   It was night time in the forest and she was all alone.  She was dressed in black  and standing in the middle of the forest.  She was scared and alert. I could feel her heart beating so strong & fast.  It was dark, but she could see her way in the dark - I couldn’t hear anyone coming, but she knew they would be.  It was the townspeople that would be coming for her.

She showed me that, earlier that day, a very pregnant woman had come to her  seeking some kind of help - and that the girl did what she has been instructed to do to help the woman, however somehow, something appeared to go wrong and the woman, instead, became violently ill.  The girl tried to do what she could, but knew, if the woman’s people came for her, the girl could never explain what happened and that they would not understand if she did try to explain.  She consoled the woman the best she could, kept stroking her face and hair and telling her she was so sorry ~ she kissed the woman on the forehead and then ran into the forest. She could hear them coming and she began to run into the darkness and shape-shifted into a crow.  All I could see then, was a dark void.

I was then shown what had happened to the girl before this night.  She had been cast out of her family, by her people, specifically her mother, for being different from the rest of them.  Her mother, who was very pious in her outlook, did not approve of her daughter &  was afraid of her.  The girl was 15 years old.

I was then shown the young girl, maybe a few years later.  She was in a dirty night dress that looked like it had once been white.  She was inside a stone turret - a prison - alone, with irons on her wrists and her feet.  Her hair had been hacked off and I could hear people outside this place calling her a witch and a killer.  In this place I heard her say “ I will never show myself ever again.  I will never allow myself to seen ever again. “  I felt her cries inside and the deepest sadness.  I was then beside her as she was inside the fire being burned as a witch.  I saw the flames engulf her and she was completely silent.  She then turned into the brightest light and shot upwards to the stars.  She was free.

When I returned to the well, I held the Crone in front of me and breathed the deepest, strongest love into her - I felt all her sorrow melt away and she became bright and beautiful and free.

As she became free, I became bound - bound up so tightly with reams and reams of barbed wire from my ankles to my neck.  The binding was the tightest from my torso to my throat - binding my arms so tightly that I couldn't move them.  I was given a tool by a Daughter of the Well that would cut the binding.  I managed to cut the first bit of binding, then more and more became loosened until my whole body was freed and the bindings disintegrated.

When I received the blessings of the Grandmothers -  I felt all the love of all of my ancestors ~ of all the medicine-keepers of my lineages ~ I felt light and free and full of love, truth and wisdom.  And I felt the peace of my ancestral name, Peace Carrier, so deeply, almost for the very first time.  I felt the words push through my heart:  I am truth.  I am love.  I am wisdom.

That feeling of peace and freedom stayed with me for days after the blessing. There were so many parts of my swan blessing story that I could connect to my present life - situations, things that I have lived through in this life that echo back to the past.  I was amazed at how many things connected to my present day. I was remembering, more clearly, all the time I spent with my maternal grandparents, the ones that I’d recognized in the Swan Blessing.  In this lifetime, my Baba taught me to work with wool and  how to craft with words.  My Geja worked with the earth, among many other things, he was a gardener and a man of plants.  We spent many mornings and afternoons exploring the land and forests around our summer cottage when I was younger.  He taught me about the earth and how to tend a garden.

In this lifetime, my grandparents taught me about the magic that is inherent in life.

The strongest affirmation and most magical thing, however, came shortly after the blessing.  Where I live now is a bit like where the young girl and the crone lived in my swan blessing.  I live on the ground floor of a house on the edge of a forest with many, many ferns, moss, towering cedars, pines and a roaring creek behind me, in the mountains on the west coast of Canada. Above me, lives a family with 2 young boys, aged 4 & 6.  The boys are friendly and whenever we happen to see each other, they like to tell me about their their toys or their mountain-biking adventures.  Usually, in the summertime, they are mostly running around with water guns, dropping water balloons or playing on their trampoline.  As I was writing to Julia a day or two after the blessing, there was a knock on my door.  It was the 6-yr old boy and he asked if he could show me a spell / potion that he was working on and if I could help him. I paused for a long moment because he had NEVER asked me this before, nor had I ever seen him engaged with the plants and the earth like this.  He was very insistent that I knew how to help him.  I broke into a big smile, remembering the Swan Blessing, and nodded my head that I could help him.  He said that it was an exploding spell.  And then he made another one to show me, which was a healing potion and then one potion that would do whatever was needed by what it touched.  That one, he put on the ferns and said that it would now affect ALL the ferns in the whole world AND that we had to program it  - he wanted to program some quite violent things, being a 6-year-old boy - but I convinced him towards a gentler approach ~ much to the relief of the dear ferns.  A few moments later, his mum was calling him in for dinner that was waiting for him, and he ran into the house.  I remained outside for a while ~ staring at the ferns and the forest, that seemed, now,  to be glowing with the most vibrant green life.  This was the work of the Swan Blessing.  I took a moment to say thank you again, to the Swan and the grandmothers, who, through Julia, brought me back to the love, truth and wisdom that I had been parted from so long ago.  And a word of gratitude to the spirit helper who whispered to me years before, “No longer tarry in the in-between. In order to heal, you must be seen.”

I learned, many years ago, that it’s important for our healing, to be able to find something or some way to bring this “otherworldly” medicine into our mundane world.  So a few days after the blessing, I crafted a talisman to honour the work, my story and to help the blessing settle into my bones and ground into my everyday world, a guidepost to hold it all.  Whenever I may feel in doubt or filled with grief,  I sit with this talisman, the tangible reminder of the Swan and her blessing.

This blessing work truly shone a light on the seed of the fear that I have felt for most of my life.   It has been a sometimes slow, but steady process to sweep away so many cobwebs, however, since the Swan Blessing, I have felt a space open up inside of me that continues to grow.  I feel a far greater freedom  and confidence in my wool work - to incorporate word & plant medicine more openly into the creatures I weave, felt, knit, crochet, and stitch. I have also felt less fear in sharing this wool work with others. Some days, the fire that was rekindled within me with the Swan Blessing burns bold and bright and on other days, it’s a little glimmer of a flame in the dark and an inner knowing that I am part of a great, deep flowing magic that I will never be parted from.

Infinities of love & gratitude, Swurlygirl 2016

I'm thrilled that Lori is sharing her gifts as wool worker more and more and setting up a space for herself online where people will be able to see what she does and request their own pieces of Swurlygirl magic. And I'm so happy that Lori knows that every time she creates she is honouring and even visiting with her grandparents again to thank them for all the ancestral medicine they shared with her as a child. Look at these new creations - the child and healer are now one - playing and showing herself again.

Book a personal Swan Blessing ancestral medicine session with Julia.

Singing Home the Ghosted Sister - Swan Blessing ceremony and medicine doll workshop.

Image credit: Imogen Cunningham